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1. Baseball Hat. Most companies give these away. But not us. We need more money. Give us yours. And get a hat.


2. Fleece Pullover. Fleece is in. So is giving us your money. We’ll give you a shirt. Wear it to work. Don’t be embarrassed.


3., 4. Classic Long- and Short-Sleeve T-Shirts. Why wait for a new business win or company party to get a free T-shirt? Buy one instead! It’s for a good cause. Us.

Short: $15 Long: $20

5. Crewneck Sweatshirt. We used to just run the heat. Now we sell sweatshirts for those cold days. Feel a chill? Give us your money. You’ll feel warm all over.


6. Year-Round Windbreaker. We pay you all year long. So pay us back. Any time of the year. Come on. Give us your money. Now.


7. Canvas Backpack. Putting your kids through college? Let us help. Buy this backpack. They’ll love it. And we’ll love your money.


8. Leather Backpack. Putting your kids through private college? No other backpack will do. And what’s a few more bucks, big spender?


9. Leather Attaché Case. Show us how much you love this company. Give us your money. And lots of it.


10. Attaché case. Hey, any bit helps. Throw us a twenty.


11. Weekender Beach Bag. Got nothing to do on weekends but go to the beach? Then you’re obviously available to work. Buy this. We dare you.


12. Compact Gym Bag. So you have time to go to the gym? Hmmm. Buy this bag. See what happens.


13. Golf Balls. Who says we don’t have balls at this company? Show us you’ve got balls. Give us your money.


14. Golf Towels. Sweating it out hoping for a raise? Give us your money instead. And get this great towel.


15. Large Umbrella. Perfect for those rainy days you’ve been saving money for. And perfect for us, ’cause we need that money.


16. Key Chain. Lucky enough to have keys to your office and desk? Give us a few dollars. Get a key ring.


17. Compact Umbrella. Travel-size. Great for business trips. You can’t expense it. But what can you expense?


18. Mug. Great for use with our newly installed coffee vending machines. Which is why we won’t be supplying coffee cups for those machines.


19. Notebook. Keep your great ideas here since we won’t be using them. And fork over your money.


20. Rollerball Pens. Due to budget changes, pens will no longer be supplied by the company. We recommend you buy these. Really.