“Carpe diem” is the name of my new seafood restaurant that specializes in the day’s catch of fresh carp. I know, the e on the sign is a mistake. We’re seeing about having them change it, or at the very least, getting a discount. In a way, we’d almost rather get the discount now, because the misspelling makes us stand out a little, and also we overspent on the sign and could really use the money. You don’t want to know how much we spent, seriously. Starting a restaurant is a huge investment; it’s no wonder so many of them fail. You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize this was a really stupid idea. I should’ve socked the money away for the future, in a slow-growing but consistent bond, instead of impulsively plowing my life’s savings into a restaurant all because I felt like it one morning… Okay, we’re closing. That’s how I like to do things—I make quick decisions and just go for it.
McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.
Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.