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Articles by
Chris Brotzman
Chris Brotzman is an advertising and humor writer based in Chicago. He lives with his roommate, Amazon Echo’s Alexa.
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May 25, 2018This Is Our Obligatory-Yet-Disingenuous Commercial Saluting the Military
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December 31, 2016An Obituary for 2016
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July 22, 2016These Smart Swimming Trunks Automatically Remind You to Be Self-Conscious!
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June 24, 2016Social Media Intern Wanted at The Night’s Watch
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October 30, 2015Are You a Basic Witch?
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June 23, 2015Do You or Do You Not Want to Work at This Glory Hole, Ethan?
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March 10, 2015I’m America’s Latest Politically Divisive Issue
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November 25, 2014The First Friendsgiving
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October 1, 2014This Week on As the World Tinders
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April 22, 2014I’m a 4-Billion-Year-Old Microbe On an Asteroid Heading Straight Toward Earth and I’m So Excited to Hang Out, You Guys
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March 26, 2014Hey Everyone, I’m Going to Have a Loud Phone Conversation On This Crowded Bus
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May 13, 2022Ten Possibilities the Applebee’s Waitress Considers Before It Occurs to Her the Women in Booth Fourteen Might Be a Couple with Two Children
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May 18, 2022A Passenger’s One-Star Review of the Trolley Ride from the Trolley Problem
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May 13, 2022A Modest Proposal for Solving the Baby Formula Shortage
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November 13, 2018If People Talked to Other Professionals the Way They Talk to Teachers
Recently
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May 26, 2022Yes, You Caught Me. I’m Trans Because It’s the Trendy New Thing to Legislate Against
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May 26, 2022We Would Love to Consider You For This Job We Have Already Filled
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May 26, 2022We Bled All Winter—Part I
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May 26, 2022Oh, You Think You’re a Real Star Wars Fan? Name Three of Its Stars You’ve Bullied Off Social Media