McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Articles by
Chris Brotzman
Chris Brotzman is an advertising and humor writer based in Chicago. He lives with his roommate, Amazon Echo’s Alexa.
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May 25, 2018This Is Our Obligatory-Yet-Disingenuous Commercial Saluting the Military
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December 31, 2016An Obituary for 2016
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July 22, 2016These Smart Swimming Trunks Automatically Remind You to Be Self-Conscious!
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June 24, 2016Social Media Intern Wanted at The Night’s Watch
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October 30, 2015List: Are You a Basic Witch?
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June 23, 2015Do You or Do You Not Want to Work at This Glory Hole, Ethan?
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March 10, 2015Monologue: I’m America’s Latest Politically Divisive Issue
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November 25, 2014The First Friendsgiving
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October 1, 2014This Week on As the World Tinders
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April 22, 2014Monologue: I’m a 4-Billion-Year-Old Microbe On an Asteroid Heading Straight Toward Earth and I’m So Excited to Hang Out, You Guys
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March 26, 2014Monologue: Hey Everyone, I’m Going to Have a Loud Phone Conversation On This Crowded Bus
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December 12, 2018Monologue: I’m The World’s Best Dad Because Once I Watched My Kid When My Wife Wasn’t Around
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December 11, 2018How You Hope Your Extended Family Will React When You Explain Your Job To Them
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December 11, 2018List: Literary Alternatives to “Ghosting” at Parties
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December 11, 2018Open Letter: An Open Letter to Gift-Givers of Noise-Making Toys