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Articles by
Chris Brotzman
Chris Brotzman is an advertising and humor writer based in Chicago. He lives with his roommate, Amazon Echo’s Alexa.
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May 25, 2018This Is Our Obligatory-Yet-Disingenuous Commercial Saluting the Military
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December 31, 2016An Obituary for 2016
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July 22, 2016These Smart Swimming Trunks Automatically Remind You to Be Self-Conscious!
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June 24, 2016Social Media Intern Wanted at The Night’s Watch
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October 30, 2015Are You a Basic Witch?
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June 23, 2015Do You or Do You Not Want to Work at This Glory Hole, Ethan?
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March 10, 2015I’m America’s Latest Politically Divisive Issue
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November 25, 2014The First Friendsgiving
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October 1, 2014This Week on As the World Tinders
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April 22, 2014I’m a 4-Billion-Year-Old Microbe On an Asteroid Heading Straight Toward Earth and I’m So Excited to Hang Out, You Guys
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March 26, 2014Hey Everyone, I’m Going to Have a Loud Phone Conversation On This Crowded Bus
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September 22, 2022It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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September 20, 2022Should I Bring Anything to the Dinner Tonight or Just My Crippling Anxiety?
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September 15, 2022We Are a Picturesque Small Town and We Refuse to Be the Setting for Your Romantic Comedy
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September 21, 2022An Open Letter to Bluey’s Parents: Please Stop
Recently
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October 4, 2022A Conversation Between Two People on Yom Kippur Who Definitely Fasted
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October 4, 2022Timeline for Our Town’s Plan to Install a Single Traffic Light
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October 3, 2022What We Can and Can’t Confirm About Your Upcoming Flight
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October 3, 2022Alternatives to Asking Your Teacher Friends “How’s School Going?”