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Articles by
Chris Brotzman
Chris Brotzman is an advertising and humor writer based in Chicago. He lives with his roommate, Amazon Echo’s Alexa.
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May 25, 2018This Is Our Obligatory-Yet-Disingenuous Commercial Saluting the Military
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December 31, 2016An Obituary for 2016
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July 22, 2016These Smart Swimming Trunks Automatically Remind You to Be Self-Conscious!
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June 24, 2016Social Media Intern Wanted at The Night’s Watch
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October 30, 2015Are You a Basic Witch?
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June 23, 2015Do You or Do You Not Want to Work at This Glory Hole, Ethan?
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March 10, 2015I’m America’s Latest Politically Divisive Issue
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November 25, 2014The First Friendsgiving
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October 1, 2014This Week on As the World Tinders
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April 22, 2014I’m a 4-Billion-Year-Old Microbe On an Asteroid Heading Straight Toward Earth and I’m So Excited to Hang Out, You Guys
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March 26, 2014Hey Everyone, I’m Going to Have a Loud Phone Conversation On This Crowded Bus
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April 26, 2021Vaccine Side Effect, or Have You Just Been Alive for 40 Years?
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November 13, 2018If People Talked to Other Professionals the Way They Talk to Teachers
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May 6, 2021I’m the Judge Who Approved the Custody Arrangement in The Parent Trap, But in My Defense, I Didn’t Think They Would Go to the Same Camp
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April 13, 2021An FAQ About Your New Birth Control: The Music of Rush
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May 14, 2021A B-List Celebrity’s Rider or a Toddler’s Food Demands?
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May 14, 2021I’m Not Emotionally Available Enough to Be in a Relationship Right Now Because I Have a Lot Going on with My Thesis and I Was Raised by Jaguars in the Peruvian Amazon
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May 14, 2021Important New Findings on American Stress-Cheese Consumption During the Pandemic
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May 13, 2021A/B testing “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”