Oh my god I can see earth you guys this is AMAZING like that whole like pre-solar nebula thing was SOOO effing boring I like haven’t effing hung out with anyone in like forever like this weekend is going to be literally amazeballs like you guys don’t even understand like literally I’ve traveled 600 million light years around that effing asteroid belt just waiting for the solar system to form I mean like it was effing terrible plus like space pretty much sucks anyway but like whatevs I’m just getting pumped for this weekend so like anyways I was thinking here’s what we’d do tomorrow we’d go to the water park because I’m like SOOOOOOO effing dehydrated and like need moisture to survive or whatever but like also because I’ve heard amazing things about floating on the lazy river like I MUST do that I mean I’ve heard everyone pees in it but like whatever I’ll probably pee in it too cuz like who cares I mean you don’t think they’ll have that chemical that turns pee purple do you whatever like I just like want to chill the fuck out in that inner-tube and be like super relaxed you know anyways so like is there a good cronuts place near your apartment I’ve LITERALLY heard like so many AMAZING things about cronuts like I’ve got to try one there’s like literally NO good food on this goddamn asteroid it’s like so effing lame okay I’m getting pretty close now like I’m totally entering your atmosphere it’s getting like really bumpy and warm yea it’s starting to get super warm like I think like something’s burning yea something’s definitely burning yea this asteroid is like crazy hot like it’s on fire right now like I’m definitely on fire like I am literally disintegrating into a hot ball of fire okay byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…
McSweeney's Quarterly Subscriptions
“An enduring literary presence.”
April 22, 2014
As little as $1 a month ($12 a year!) goes a long way towards supporting our editorial staff and contributors while keeping us ad-free. Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.