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Articles by
Francis Heaney
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October 26, 2000The Least Believable Things I Can Reach With a Cane While Sitting at My Computer
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October 17, 2000Steps in the Creation of a List
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October 3, 2000Some Little Fables To Help You in Your Life
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August 16, 2000Francis Heaney’s Lipogrammatic Consumer Guide
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July 19, 2000Imaginary Dialogues
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December 16, 1999A D’Agostino Supermarket Receipt Found Left Inside a Copy of Denis Johnson’s Jesus’ Son by the Previous Person to Check it out of the Library, Presumably Used as a Bookmark, and Perhaps Shedding Some Light on the Type of Person Who Reads This
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November 5, 1999Short Fiction Starring or Mentioning David Gergen: A Short Story About David Gergen Using Only Words That Can be Spelled with the Letters in “David Gergen.”
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February 19, 2021I’m a Short Afternoon Walk and You’re Putting Way Too Much Pressure on Me
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February 22, 2021The UX on this Small Child Is Terrible
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February 16, 2021As a Superhero Teacher, I Can’t Wait to Sacrifice My Unvaccinated Life for Your Child
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February 24, 2021I Oppose the Democrats’ Plan to Lower Child Poverty. If Kids Want to Eat, They Should Work In Filthy Factories Like They Did in the Good Old Days
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February 26, 2021The Cure’s “Friday I’m in Love” for Nihilists
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February 26, 2021As a Staunch Defender of American Liberty, I Refuse to Let Trans People Infringe on My Rights as a White, Straight, Cisgender Congresswoman from Georgia
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February 26, 2021You’re Having a Bad Trip, Charlie Brown!
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February 25, 2021714 Epidemiologists on When We Can Resume Fixating on Petty Bullshit