ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Rebecca Saltzman
Rebecca Saltzman is a writer and Hebrew school dropout from Rochester, NY. She currently lives in New York City. Visit her website here.
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May 19, 2021Caring For Your Geriatric Millennial
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March 3, 2021I’m All for Letting the Free Market Decide Things Unless It Decides to Stop Publishing Racist Children’s Books
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February 24, 2021I Oppose the Democrats’ Plan to Lower Child Poverty. If Kids Want to Eat, They Should Work In Filthy Factories Like They Did in the Good Old Days
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December 23, 2020Thank You for Choosing Manger Health Systems for the Birth of Your Savior
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November 3, 2020How to Cope With Your PTSD Flashbacks From Election Day 2016 On Election Day 2020
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July 3, 2020We Apologize That Instead of July Fourth Bunting, We Accidentally Shipped You a Box Full of Snakes
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January 16, 2020The Muppets Take Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas
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July 22, 2019I’m Glad the Government Is Protecting Our Most Vulnerable People: Chick-fil-A
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June 14, 2019Hamlet Hosts a Father’s Day Brunch
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April 9, 2019I Still Believe Every Child Is Precious. Also It Will Take Us Years to Find the Kids We Stole At the Border
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March 27, 2019This Is Embarrassing, But It Turns Out Our Fake Jewish Bagel Chain Was Funded By Nazis
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January 24, 2019FAQ: This MFA Workshop Has Been Replaced With a Glove Full of Bullet Ants
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February 19, 2021I’m a Short Afternoon Walk and You’re Putting Way Too Much Pressure on Me
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June 28, 2022We Are an Anti-Abortion Couple, and Don’t Worry, We Will Adopt Your Baby
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January 14, 2022What Your Favorite Sad Dad Band Says About You
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June 27, 2022We Would Do Something, But Then We Wouldn’t Have the Power to Do Something, So We Can’t Do Something
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July 1, 2022FAQ: Freedom
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July 1, 2022A Declaration of Independence from the United States Supreme Court
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July 1, 2022Laws Should Be Based Solely on the Words of Constitutional Authors Like Me, the Guy Who Died After Shoving a Piece of Whalebone in His Dick
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June 30, 2022I’d Rather Drag Your Lifeless Body from This Party Than Wait Here While You Go to the Bathroom