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Articles by
Rebecca Saltzman
Rebecca Saltzman is a writer and Hebrew school dropout from Rochester, NY. She currently lives in New York City. Visit her website here.
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July 3, 2020We Apologize That Instead of July Fourth Bunting, We Accidentally Shipped You a Box Full of Snakes
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January 16, 2020The Muppets Take Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas
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July 22, 2019I’m Glad the Government Is Protecting Our Most Vulnerable People: Chick-fil-A
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June 14, 2019Hamlet Hosts a Father’s Day Brunch
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April 9, 2019I Still Believe Every Child Is Precious. Also It Will Take Us Years to Find the Kids We Stole At the Border
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March 27, 2019This Is Embarrassing, But It Turns Out Our Fake Jewish Bagel Chain Was Funded By Nazis
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January 24, 2019FAQ: This MFA Workshop Has Been Replaced With a Glove Full of Bullet Ants
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September 4, 2018The Zombified Corpse of Vlad the Impaler Will No Longer Be Appearing at Our Literary Festival
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June 19, 2018I Believe Every Child is Precious, Except for the Ones We’re Locking Up in Cages
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February 22, 2018As Senator, I Have No Choice But to Accept Donations From This Churning Vortex of Death That Ate Your Children
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November 17, 2017Listen Up, Bitches: It’s Lysistrata Time!
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October 2, 2017A Mother’s Curse for Congress After It Let CHIP Funding for Nine Million Children Expire
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September 3, 2020Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1-889
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October 9, 2009It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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January 18, 2019FAQ: The Status of the Shits Women Have Left to Give
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September 14, 2020I Appreciate Your Concern, But Our Enormous Wedding Was Socially Distanced
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September 30, 2020An Open Letter to My Lactose Intolerant Friend Regarding My COVID Intolerance