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Articles by
River Clegg
River Clegg is a comedy writer living in Brooklyn. He contributes to McSweeney’s, The New Yorker, The Onion, ClickHole, and others. Eel enthusiast.
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May 11, 2022Other Rights the Supreme Court Will Get Rid of Because They Aren’t Deeply Rooted in History and Tradition
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March 11, 2022I Am Eight Years Old and Would Like a Batman Movie Aimed at Me, Please
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October 22, 2021Halloween Costume Ideas for New Parents
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September 25, 2018A Day In the Life of a Social Media Influencer
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June 26, 2018You’re Meditating Wrong
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October 24, 2017The Lost Journals of Blackbeard
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July 26, 2017If You Give a Poor a Doctor
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July 13, 2017New Wall Street Sculptures
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May 15, 2017This.
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April 14, 2017Church Glossary
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February 1, 2017I Intend to Keep Scrolling Until I Feel Something
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December 1, 2016My Lies, Translated
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May 13, 2022Ten Possibilities the Applebee’s Waitress Considers Before It Occurs to Her the Women in Booth Fourteen Might Be a Couple with Two Children
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November 13, 2018If People Talked to Other Professionals the Way They Talk to Teachers
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May 2, 2022Welcome to the Middle-Aged Restaurant. Please Stop Complaining
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May 2, 2016I Would Rather Do Anything Else Than Grade Your Final Papers
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May 20, 2022Diseases All Woodmont Alumni from 1971 to 2021 Should Immediately Be Screened For
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