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Articles by
River Clegg
River Clegg is a comedy writer living in Brooklyn. He contributes to McSweeney’s, The New Yorker, The Onion, ClickHole, and others. Eel enthusiast.
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September 13, 2022A Donation in Your Name
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May 11, 2022Other Rights the Supreme Court Will Get Rid of Because They Aren’t Deeply Rooted in History and Tradition
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March 11, 2022I Am Eight Years Old and Would Like a Batman Movie Aimed at Me, Please
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October 22, 2021Halloween Costume Ideas for New Parents
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September 25, 2018A Day In the Life of a Social Media Influencer
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June 26, 2018You’re Meditating Wrong
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October 24, 2017The Lost Journals of Blackbeard
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July 26, 2017If You Give a Poor a Doctor
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July 13, 2017New Wall Street Sculptures
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May 15, 2017This.
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April 14, 2017Church Glossary
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February 1, 2017I Intend to Keep Scrolling Until I Feel Something
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September 22, 2022It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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September 15, 2022We Are a Picturesque Small Town and We Refuse to Be the Setting for Your Romantic Comedy
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February 14, 2019New Love Languages
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September 20, 2022Should I Bring Anything to the Dinner Tonight or Just My Crippling Anxiety?
Recently
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September 23, 2022Famous Chess Matches, If Some of the Players Were Cheating Using Vibrating Anal Beads, a Thing That Is Allegedly Happening in the Chess World and Is Not Something Random That I Made Up
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September 23, 2022On the Eighth Day, Leon Leonwood Bean Said, “Let There Be Flannel Shirts”
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September 22, 2022It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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September 21, 2022Welcome to Our Cul-De-Sac