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Articles by
River Clegg
River Clegg is a comedy writer living in Brooklyn. He contributes to McSweeney’s, The New Yorker, The Onion, ClickHole, and others. Eel enthusiast.
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January 12, 2024Martin Luther King Jr. Would Have Wanted You to Buy This Timeshare
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November 24, 2023The First Black Friday, by William Bradford
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October 5, 2023I Am Still Scrolling and Would Like Very Much to Stop Feeling Things
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May 11, 2023This Counterfeiting Ring Needs to Make Some Changes
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January 5, 2023Inevitable Questions from My Daughter, and How I Plan to Answer Them
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September 13, 2022A Donation in Your Name
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May 11, 2022Other Rights the Supreme Court Will Get Rid of Because They Aren’t Deeply Rooted in History and Tradition
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March 11, 2022I Am Eight Years Old and Would Like a Batman Movie Aimed at Me, Please
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October 22, 2021Halloween Costume Ideas for New Parents
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September 25, 2018A Day In the Life of a Social Media Influencer
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June 26, 2018You’re Meditating Wrong
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October 24, 2017The Lost Journals of Blackbeard
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July 15, 2024I Can’t Believe Such a Hateful, Violent Act Could Happen in the Hateful, Violent Era I’ve Created
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July 12, 2024Schedule of Speakers for the 2024 Republican National Convention
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July 16, 2024Hillbilly Elegy Edited for J. D. Vance’s Vice Presidential Campaign
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May 10, 2024What Your Favorite ’90s Band Says About the Kind of Bored Suburban Mom You Are Today
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July 26, 2024I’m a Childless Cat Lady, and If Trump and Vance Win I’m Going to Start a Sexual Relationship with My Couch
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July 26, 2024Skills You Need as President of the United States or Skills You Need as a Stepmom?
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July 26, 2024If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Wouldn’t Have Tolerated the Cynics
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July 26, 2024We Went Ahead and Made an AI Olympian