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Articles by
River Clegg
River Clegg is a comedy writer living in Brooklyn. He contributes to McSweeney’s, The New Yorker, The Onion, ClickHole, and others. Eel enthusiast.
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January 5, 2023Inevitable Questions from My Daughter, and How I Plan to Answer Them
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September 13, 2022A Donation in Your Name
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May 11, 2022Other Rights the Supreme Court Will Get Rid of Because They Aren’t Deeply Rooted in History and Tradition
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March 11, 2022I Am Eight Years Old and Would Like a Batman Movie Aimed at Me, Please
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October 22, 2021Halloween Costume Ideas for New Parents
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September 25, 2018A Day In the Life of a Social Media Influencer
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June 26, 2018You’re Meditating Wrong
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October 24, 2017The Lost Journals of Blackbeard
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July 26, 2017If You Give a Poor a Doctor
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July 13, 2017New Wall Street Sculptures
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May 15, 2017This.
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April 14, 2017Church Glossary
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January 24, 2023Macroeconomic Changes Have Made It Impossible for Me to Want to Pay You
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May 13, 2022Ten Possibilities the Applebee’s Waitress Considers Before It Occurs to Her the Women in Booth Fourteen Might Be a Couple with Two Children
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January 10, 2023Fifteen Long-Overdue Slang Terms for Female Masturbation
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January 19, 2023Oh God, Someone Gave Me Whiskey Stones
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February 2, 2023Two People Who Don’t Have Cable TV Talk About How They Don’t Have Cable TV, and How Great That Makes Them
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February 2, 2023Elden Ring or Tenure-Track Professor?
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February 1, 2023You vs. The New Hire Your Boss Tells You Not to Worry About