LEST WE FORGET THE HORRORS
All posts tagged
soccer
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October 11, 2018List: The Coaching Candidates for Every Youth Soccer Team In America
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June 14, 2018List: The Top Ten 2018 Men’s World Cup Teams Ranked By How Easily the First Lines of Each Country’s National Anthem Could Be Slipped Unnoticed Into Expository Voiceover In a Lord Of The Rings Movie
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November 21, 2017Monologue: Marina Abramović is Your Kid’s New Soccer Coach and the Team is Down by Nine Goals at the Half
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November 15, 2017Please, Turn On Notifications
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March 18, 2016Monologue: A Youth Soccer Player’s Participation Award Acceptance Speech
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May 6, 2015A Message from George Orwell, Silicon Valley Youth Soccer Club Asst. Director of Operations and Coach, Girls U12
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June 13, 2014A World Cup Viewing Guide for Stay-at-Home Dads
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April 18, 2014Reviews of Self-Help Books by Professional Athletes: Putting the Biscuit in the Basket: A Review of Go for the Goal by Mia Hamm.
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May 20, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Until I found Buddhism, Sikhism seemed compelling—even magical. When golf anxiety started making intimacy unpleasant, Sikh filosophy [sic] kept John grounded. Sikhism’s awesome.”
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November 5, 2012Dispatches from Montevideo: In Which We Consider the Glorious History of Uruguayan Soccer, and Ball Bearings.
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October 10, 2018My Common App Essay: “Every School Reading This Except Dartmouth Sucks Ass”
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October 20, 2009It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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October 8, 2018Matreon: The Patreon Platform for Emotional Labor
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October 12, 2018List: Appropriate Moments to Respond With Lady Gaga’s Guttural Howl From the Song “Shallow”
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October 19, 2018Stoning Our Neighbors to Death Makes the Corn Grow High, and Elitist Liberals Should Stop Attacking This Traditional Value
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October 19, 2018Animals Got Problems: Everyone Is Exhausting
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October 19, 2018One Small Blow Against Encroaching Totalitarianism: Levelers and Sharpeners
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October 19, 2018Letter of Recommendation for a Basic Male MFA Applicant