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All posts tagged
soccer
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October 11, 2018The Coaching Candidates for Every Youth Soccer Team In America
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June 14, 2018The Top Ten 2018 Men’s World Cup Teams Ranked By How Easily the First Lines of Each Country’s National Anthem Could Be Slipped Unnoticed Into Expository Voiceover In a Lord Of The Rings Movie
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November 21, 2017Marina Abramović is Your Kid’s New Soccer Coach and the Team is Down by Nine Goals at the Half
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November 15, 2017Please, Turn On Notifications
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March 18, 2016A Youth Soccer Player’s Participation Award Acceptance Speech
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May 6, 2015A Message from George Orwell, Silicon Valley Youth Soccer Club Asst. Director of Operations and Coach, Girls U12
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June 13, 2014A World Cup Viewing Guide for Stay-at-Home Dads
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April 18, 2014Reviews of Self-Help Books by Professional Athletes: Putting the Biscuit in the Basket: A Review of Go for the Goal by Mia Hamm.
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May 20, 2013Non-Essential Mnemonics: “Until I found Buddhism, Sikhism seemed compelling—even magical. When golf anxiety started making intimacy unpleasant, Sikh filosophy [sic] kept John grounded. Sikhism’s awesome.”
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November 5, 2012Dispatches from Montevideo: In Which We Consider the Glorious History of Uruguayan Soccer, and Ball Bearings.
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February 19, 2021I’m a Short Afternoon Walk and You’re Putting Way Too Much Pressure on Me
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February 22, 2021The UX on this Small Child Is Terrible
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February 24, 2021I Oppose the Democrats’ Plan to Lower Child Poverty. If Kids Want to Eat, They Should Work In Filthy Factories Like They Did in the Good Old Days
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February 16, 2021As a Superhero Teacher, I Can’t Wait to Sacrifice My Unvaccinated Life for Your Child
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February 26, 2021The Cure’s “Friday I’m in Love” for Nihilists
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February 26, 2021As a Staunch Defender of American Liberty, I Refuse to Let Trans People Infringe on My Rights as a White, Straight, Cisgender Congresswoman from Georgia
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February 26, 2021You’re Having a Bad Trip, Charlie Brown!
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February 25, 2021714 Epidemiologists on When We Can Resume Fixating on Petty Bullshit