1. Because it was only a joke. Didn’t you ever learn to take a joke?

2. You just don’t understand the way society works, which is fine. Really, don’t feel bad about it. No one’s expecting you to have all this figured out already.

3. Did you ever stop to consider that you get offended too easily?

4. I mean, I’m not doubting that you felt offended, but you have to admit, there’s no way that’s what he intended.

5. God, seriously? It was only a joke. Can’t you tell the difference between a threat and a harmless joke?

6. It’s only natural the feminists would get to you and make you freak out over every imagined offense. Not your fault, that’s how they work.

7. Let me guess: PMS? Ha-ha.

8. Men just seem snippy because we’re tired of this hypersensitive, hyperfeminized world.

9. You just need to loosen up. Smile! See? You’re so pretty when you smile.

10. He’s a star quarterback—that probably made you nervous. Most girls would kill for that kind of attention.

11. It’s not wrong for a man to think a woman is sexy. Men like female bodies—that’s nature, OK? Or are you saying we’re not allowed anymore?

12. Fucking feminism and tumblr. You people can’t even tell when something is obviously a joke.

13. Even if he was as bitter as you seem to think, you have to admit white men are having a tough time of it lately.