1. My part was first offered to Stanley Tucci. He said FUCK NO. I said FUCK YES.
2. I am 24.1
3. I got my MFA in Acting at Yale, bitch.
4. I only took this role for the SAG health insurance.
5. I can only talk while walking and escorting you to an important meeting/lunch/drop-in.
6. All the exposition I need to share with you is conveniently packed into that short walk to meeting/lunch.
7. I look like a gazelle fucked a marble kitchen countertop.
8. My character’s name is usually Chad, Derek, Marc, Mark, Joey, Danny, etc.
9. Usually remind you where you work: “YOU WORK AT VOGUE!”
10. Other fave lines:
- “Well the boss is PRE-TTY pissed. You know how he gets on Thursdays…”
- “She’s really doing it!”
- “YOU ARE TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH HIM. WORD IS HE WORKS IN MARKETING…”
11. I don’t have a last name so don’t bother asking.
12. My outfit is some sort of purple/orange monstrosity that is… ridiculous?
13. I will give you a really good idea, but of course, let you think you came up with it yourself. Just happy to be a part of your narrative!
14. I live at the office. I am never seen outside the office, and if I am it’s in some sort of ridiculous disguise getting your character some intel.
15. I make more facial gestures in one scene than anyone else in the entire film. I am especially great with eye-rolls.
16. At one point, the female lead will undoubtedly say, “Ugh, why can’t I just date you?” to which I will reply any of the following: “Tried it in college,” or “Do I look 19 anymore?”
17. I secretly wish you were Cate or Kate.2
18. I’ll be invited on the press junket but I am in an Off-Broadway play (Othello, bitch), so I won’t go.
19. I firmly believe this dreck should have stayed a book.