1. Peeing standing up.
2. Swinging it around like a helicopter.
3. Reaching things from the top shelf.
4. Wearing the same pair of pants to work all week.
5. Giving a presentation without being interrupted.
6. Getting a promotion.
7. Getting offered a salary commensurate with experience.
8. Getting paid more than they deserve for the work they’re doing.
9. Going their entire career without experiencing sexual harassment.
10. Being taken seriously at the doctor.
11. Getting there without a GPS.
12. Telling the GPS it’s wrong.
13. Dumping clean, unfolded laundry on the bed and calling it a day.
14. Washing one fork and saying they did the dishes.
15. Referring to time spent with their children as “babysitting.”
16. Forgetting their kid’s birthday.
17. Being forgiven for forgetting their kid’s birthday.
18. Taking an Uber alone after 9 pm.
19. Leaving their drink at the bar and going to the bathroom.
20. Walking down the street and not having an 85-year-old man drunkenly yell, “Hey sexy!”
21. Gaining ten pounds without being judged for the rest of their lives.
22. Baking five loaves of bread and eating them all in one sitting without shame.
23. Never getting asked about their “biological clock” and whether it is “ticking.”
24. Never getting asked if they think they really can “have it all.”
25. Not having to have an opinion about Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In.
26. Not having to pretend they liked Big Little Lies.
27. Getting elected to neighborhood watch.
28. Getting elected to the school board.
29. Getting elected to the state legislature.
30. Getting elected to Congress.
31. Getting elected to the Senate.
32. Getting elected POTUS.
33. Achieving an orgasm. Every. Single. Time.