From ooey-gooey cookies to classic PB&J, who doesn’t love a little peanut butter in their diets? Get the most out of everyone’s favorite nut spread using these clever tips and tricks.

1. Drizzle over your oatmeal to start the morning off right.

2. Scoop into your smoothie to get your protein supply for the day.

3. 75? The brief said 75?

4. Swirl into your brownie batter for that enticing marbled look.

5. That’s goddamn ridiculous. Who approved this?

6. Roll into energy bites with coconut oil and flour.

7. Ryan approved it. Well, you can tell Ryan that I’m not doing 75.

8. Dollop into your pad thai for that extra creamy goodness.

9. Because it’s a waste of my goddamn time, that’s why. Who even wants that many?

10. Whirl into your salad dressing to make it filling, flavorful and fun!

11. Don’t give me that editorial mandate bullshit. They’re not gonna read it!

12. Level-up your cupcakes with a rich and decadent frosting.

13. Okay wise guy, let’s do it your way. What do I care?

14. Spread it over sourdough for an easy weekday breakfast.

15. Woooow. Glad I read that.

16. Smear it along some celery for a classic, healthy snack.

17. Riveting.

18. Toss into your pancake mix and… oh, that’s actually a good one. Makes them really nice and rich. My kids and I do the pancakes thing all the time.

19. When I get to see them that is.

20. Add to vanilla ice cream for the perfect evening treat!

21. Blend into, um, banana bread. For a perfectly… moist slice.

22. Try a… crackers. Count it. That counts.

23. Put some in your haaaaaaaaaa I don’t know! I don’t fucking know, okay?

24. Where are we at?


26. You can do this, Eli. Breathe…

27. Eat it straight out of the jar. Boom! BOOM, you fucks.

28. Or don’t. Don’t eat it out of the jar. Just sit there and look at it.

29. That’s technically a “thing” you can “do.”

30. And if I were deadly allergic, that’s as far as I’d go.

31. Gotta think about all the demographics, RIGHT RYAN?

32. Maybe you should eat some and then I’ll stab you in the leg with epinephrine.

33. “Managing editor” my ass.

34. Okay focus. Remember what Dr. Hilton said.

35. Spread over muffins to… take your potluck… to the max?

36. Okay, you’re better than that one Eli and you know it.

37. Blend into your iced coffee for the perfectly frothy frappé!

38. That last one was good so I’m taking two.

39. Add some to your chicken marinade for a sweet-n-savory dinner.

40. Swoosh. Count it.

41. Slather generously over okay what the FUCK. I just googled and there are literally dozens of articles that already cover this topic.

42. I’m livid.

43. You played me for a fool, Ryan. A fool!


45. But I can laugh this off.

46. Water off a duck’s back!

47. At least we can agree that this little experiment is over.


49. But there’s nothing new to be said! You said it yourself!

50. Algorithm?

51. What does that even mean?

52. But how does that relate to—

53. Let me get this straight.

54. No no no! Let me get this straight.

55. I’m writing this article so that robots will see it and boost your search rankings?!

56. That’s sick, you know that?

57. It’s disgusting.

58. No, stop. I don’t care. Let’s just get this over with.

59. Mix in with soy sauce and glaze over freshly grilled shrimp.

60. Hell to pay with Dr. Hilton, I’ll tell you that much.

61. Trickle it over although I guess if this is just for robots I can say whatever I like, right?

62. Because no one’s really reading?

63. Haha! Got you there, Ry-o!

64. Moron.

65. Well, this is an exciting turn.

66. Really blows this thing wide open!

67. Think of the possibilities.

68. Yep. Wide open…

69. Oh! I thought of something.

70. Knock knock.

71. Who’s there?

72. Al.

73. Al who?

74. Al-gorithm! Haha, I crack myself up.

75. Yep. Just me and the algorithm. No one else…