Before we get started, I wanted to do a quick temperature check: how are folks feeling? We’ve been on this lifeboat for about five days now. Thanks to all for your continued flexibility as we experiment with a more open-office style approach while looking for a more permanent home.

I wanted to circle back to the incident yesterday: that was not an oil tanker in the distance; it was a towering vortex of plastic. Jenny is point person for the flare gun. Put in an official request to her if you want it fired. Jenny will file the request, give you a ticket number, and address your request when she has bandwidth. Her plate is full these days trying to find a cell signal.

Remember: your voice matters! We received feedback from the employee engagement survey, and there are a couple low-hanging fruits we can address. First, we still have no water. Bill took the lead to boil some of the salt out, and we’re working on operationalizing the procedure by testing the new water on an intern.

The survey results indicated some level of dissatisfaction with being on the lifeboat. In particular, 50% of our team disagrees, and 25% strongly disagrees with the statement, “I am optimistic we’re going to make it out alive” and a whopping 90% disagreed or strongly disagreed that they liked the lifeboat.

I want to address that concern: it’s important for folks to recall our North Star has always been getting off the boat and getting to safety. When we do get to land, we can debrief our process. We’re building this plane as we fly. That said, if anyone could locate the actual North Star tonight, that might help us understand where the hell we are.

Next on our agenda is Jeremy. 90% of our team agrees or strongly agrees with the statement, “It’s time to eat Jeremy.” 10% strongly disagrees, but folks should keep in mind that 10% only comprises one response. Of course, our sample size is a little smaller after Maya’s decision to pursue other opportunities off the boat, but we weighted the responses appropriately.

Unfortunately, our survey revealed a lack of agreement on how to eat Jeremy. A full 100% of folks strongly agreed that they have never eaten another human before. 50% of folks thought we should boil him, 25% thought we should just dig in, and 25% were neutral. The non-response rate for this question was 60%, however. This suggests some of us didn’t want to answer this question. Since we value inclusivity, I wanted to give folks a chance to suggest alternative means of eating Jeremy before we get to boiling him.

William was point person on the survey, and his working group explored a couple possible ways of eating Jeremy. We’re passing out that list now. What do folks think? A quick gut check on that document would be helpful, particularly on the idea of salting him first, which gained a lot of traction in the directors’ meeting this morning.

One of our chief values as an organization is hearing under-served voices. We fully intended to let Jeremy share his perspective as the only person on the lifeboat with the lived experience of being threatened to be eaten by co-workers, but the duct tape we put over his mouth was stuck too tight for us to rip off. Can we make a note of this for the debrief? Just because we’re stranded at sea doesn’t mean we can’t stick to our best practices. Also, can someone be point on detailing our process once we start eating? If we can find an efficient process, we can replicate it on the other interns if we need to.

There were a couple of parking lot items from yesterday’s agenda, including the possibility that the survey working group was plotting to mutiny and usurp the responsibilities of the senior leadership steering committee. I understand some folks think we’re too hierarchical as an organization, so tomorrow I’ll have Dan share out his notes from a conference on change management so we can explore small changes we can make.

Last was the suggestion that we workshop making a sail out of our clothes. I propose we table that another day until we’ve eaten Jeremy. We’ll be able to think more clearly after that.

Well, I don’t know what time it is. The sun is very high and it is incredibly hot. Thank you everyone for a productive meeting. I’m giving you back 15 minutes of your day; please don’t spend it slipping into paranoid delusion.