Uh, hello. Sorry if this isn’t too good a speech—I don’t normally talk to people much on the dusty, open road of the American Southwest. But, this, uh, gymnasium looks really nice and that potato salad smells really good.

Anyway, Mayor Davis told me that Pleasant Pines is a town under siege—that Old Man McTaverty owns this place and keeps it in a stranglehold. Everyone’s scared and no one’s willing to stand up to him. Unfortunately, I really don’t think I’m up for doing that.

Now, it’s true I did suddenly show up in your town one day, but it wasn’t really mysterious. I just haven’t really been able to keep a steady job since the army and I was hoping to find some work on one of McTaverty’s industrial farms. Picking melons or something like that.

And yeah, I did take on two of McTaverty’s men over at O’Clover’s pub, but that wasn’t because they threatening the owner. Actually, they spilled my drink when they were trying to get him to sign over his land. I spent my last two bucks on that PBR and I don’t get along well with people—I gotta bit of a temper. Funny story, that once got me fired from a Dairy Queen for yelling at a kid over a Dilly bar.

Anyway, a bunch more of them came after me the next day and told me to keep my nose out of their business. Now, I did beat them up, too. But, again, that wasn’t really for the town. I just have a general problem with authority figures and people telling me what to do. It’s what’s kept me out of most retail or food service jobs.

I’m not even a good fighter or anything, I’m just kinda big and burly. And I don’t think those guys get a lot of practice fighting with you all not … standing up for yourselves and all.

Anyway, McTaverty personally tracked me down after that and offered me a job if I’d stay out of the way. And I gotta confess something here—I took it. Yep, you’re looking at the third-shift janitor at the new melon plant he’s gonna build on top of O’Clover’s burned-out pub.

So … basically I’m going to be doing that and some off-the-books stuff for him, but if anyone here needs some manual labor like trees cleared or some septic stuff—as long as you’re not telling me what to do and giving me some space—I’d be happy to help your town out with that.

If you need me, I’m gonna be staying in the alley behind the Stop and Sip. Oh, and if you don’t mind, I’d love to keep any of your leftover potato salad or cold cuts or bread crusts from this thing. Thanks.