It’s so good to see you! How long has it been? Oh, don’t worry about it — seriously, don’t! I hardly recognize myself these days. Last time we saw each other I was still pregnant, right? That feels so long ago now! And you look terrific! So good. I’d give you a hug, but I haven’t had a chance to shower yet this week. Did I say this week? TODAY — I meant today! I haven’t had a chance to shower yet today. Ha-ha, no one goes a week without showering. It’s so crazy that I said that.

Yes, this is her! Our little sweetie. Isn’t she adorable? That outfit is from Hanna Andersson’s “Little Billionaire” line. Oh, I know it’s expensive, but we shop the sales, of course. I think the socks were just $85. And you know, when they’re this age, they wear the same size for at least a few months. So it’s absolutely worth it to invest in quality.

My shirt? Oh, thanks. You’re too kind. You know, I don’t remember where I got it. Somewhere that also sells groceries, probably. All of my clothes come from places where groceries are sold these days, and I never try things on! Just shove it in the card with the jumborama box of baby wipes and hope for the best! But you know, grocery stores actually have a lot of really great clothing options. I’m wearing a Frosted Mini-Wheats box as underwear right now. You have to cut some leg holes, but other than that, it’s ready-to-wear.

Can I ask you a question? What’s going on with eyebrows these days? It’s just that I don’t want to fall behind on trends and turn into one of those embarrassing moms who are totally out of it. Are we all supposed to be doing something to our eyebrows? I saw something on Instagram about a Kardashian and eyebrows, before the baby spit up on my phone. Eyebrows are supposed to be really big right now, is that it? Big eyebrows? Or no eyebrows? Are we shaving them off? I don’t care one way or the other — just tell me and I’ll do it! But honestly, shaving would be easiest for me. I hope it’s shaving.

Oh, gosh. You’re probably wondering what that is on my pants. It’s just baby food — promise! Or maybe it’s baby vomit. It’s almost definitely vomit, actually. But hey, it’s really kind of the same thing if you think about it. Potato, po-tah-to, amiright?

Yeah, no, I need to get going too. This kiddo isn’t going to drive herself to Gymboree class! We should totally get together soon. We should grab dinner. Or go shopping! Actually, you know what? I know a place where we can do both.