This deal memo and non-disclosure agreement is entered between Me, “Mom,” the operator of the social media account @AllMyLittles, and Maxlynn, hereafter referred to as “Toddler,” who, along with her older siblings, is the primary focus of the account.

This agreement applies retroactively to before Toddler could hold a writing implement with which to sign.

Toddler agrees to be on call for production during most daytime and many evening hours, with breaks to coincide with times when necessary family activities are not in line with the brand and aesthetic of the @AllMyLittles. This includes: when eating fast food, when watching television, and when the house looks disorganized.

However, Mom reserves the right to create content of Toddler during any of the aforementioned times if she is making a post that focuses on “real talk” about the hardships of parenting. In those cases, it may be necessary to post content of Toddler eating chicken nuggets, or watching her twelfth Bluey of the day, or screaming in front of a pile of laundry in order to demonstrate that Mom is relatable. Mom will try to ensure Toddler gets some time off during other non-aesthetically pleasing periods of the day, but this is not guaranteed.

Toddler agrees to be pranked at Mom’s discretion.

Toddler agrees to a neutral color palette for both wardrobe and playroom so as to create a harmonious Instagram grid.

Toddler agrees that all tantrums, medical issues, potty-training struggles, psychological evaluations, and general backtalk are the exclusive property of Mom and the @AllMyLittles account, and can be used on all platforms, throughout the universe, in perpetuity.

Toddler releases all rights to her name and likeness for use on @AllMyLittles merch.

Toddler recognizes the inherent risks of hundreds of thousands of followers (fingers crossed for a million!) knowing personal details about her life. She’s chill with it.

Toddler irrevocably waives any right she may have to participate as a member of a class of claimants (with her siblings) in any lawsuit, arbitration, or other proceedings against Mom.

Toddler agrees that any claim or dispute against Mom shall be resolved by private arbitration administered by Uncle Mike, who purchased an LSAT prep book in 2012.

Toddler acknowledges that @AllMyLittles is a non-union production and that Toddler is not a party to and has no present intention of becoming a party to any guild or collective bargaining agreement with her siblings.

Toddler agrees that without Mom’s prior written consent, Toddler will not disclose information about the production of content related to @AllMyLittles, which encompasses all aspects of Toddler’s daily life. For example, if Toddler is required to do forty-five takes for a sponsored post about eczema cream, Toddler will not later disclose that information. The term of this nondisclosure agreement is forever.

Toddler will, of course, be compensated for her time and her work in the form of residuals. For the purposes of this deal, the definition of “residuals” is “any residual money that is left over when Mom dies.”