Oh Lord, apotheosis of infinite creative capabilities, ur-master of highest-def functionality, extreme initiator of the ever-responsive user experience that is our humble life upon Thine Earth, which we rate seven stars on a scale of one to five upon Celestial Yelp, let us pray for all tools we have forged to enhance our UX on Thine Earth. Let us acknowledge the simple spade with which we once dug into Thine Earth. Let us smile upon the common harrow with which we once performed long-forgotten agrarian tasks. Let us bask in a warm streaming downpour of gelatinous joyous bliss regarding the proliferation of electronics, from obsolete switchboards to novel hyperdynamic thermonuclear wristwatches, all of which are no more than tools with which we optimize our UX upon Thine Earth, although some of which are more difficult to concoct and require otherworldly inspiration, unearthly patience, and a zillion hours of terrestrial expertise.

Oh Lord, let us now marvel at today’s intelligent telephones. Their complexity pales only when compared to the mind-melting macrocosmic design inherent in everything from the tiniest particles on Thine Earth to the farthest flung flouncy interstellar stuff at the edge of Thine awesome universe. Let us now acknowledge how addictive are Thine smart phones, without which we would be ignorant of the weather and our GPS coordinates, without which we would not be able to transmit photos of Thine good Earth across its breadth in an instant.

Oh Lord, let us not forget the many apps, the innumerable apps. Is the iPhone itself nothing less than an ark with an app for every animal aboard it? Is the iPhone itself not an ark on which we float upon a flood of info unleashed to confuse those without dedicated wireless access?

Oh Lord, let us pray today for those who lose their phones, who therefore cannot instantaneously text an image of their cherubically cute little child to that child’s grandparents. Let us pray for those who lose their phones and therefore cannot follow character-restricted utterances regarding occurrences on far-flung fields of play. Let us pray, dear Lord, for those whose phones are not with them today, and yet they suffer phantom rings upon their thighs and fight temptation every fifteen minutes to check for electronic transmissions or blog updates regarding their favorite professional football teams.

Oh Lord, let us pray that those whose phones have been lost look around them and recognize that Thee produced a world one must not forsake in favor of character-restricted excrescences rarely attempting to relate its ineffable awesomeness, seven mega-pixel reductions of its organic 360° surround-sound 3-D glories.

The posture, too, oh Lord, really concerns us. Forgive us, dear Lord, most upright citizen of every corner of the universe, for slouching over phones in public. Forgive us for slouching over phones while walking upon Thine sidewalks, unaware of oncoming pedestrians and Thine glories all around.

Let us pray, oh Lord, that those who lose their phones are no longer lost. Let those without phones be a shining light, a beacon, a model for future righteous action, oh Lord, for all who each day willfully exchange Thine world of infinite super-def riches for immersion in the comparably pitiful fraction of it found within their so-called smart phones.