Power Nap
After dozing for a quick fifteen minutes, this nap gives you the “power” to go right back to sleep for the rest of the day.

Cat Nap
The fastest way to rest and recharge before realizing that after resting and recharging, the world has become an even more boring and terrifying place.

Existential Dread Nap
If you can’t stand the shocking meaninglessness of your existence, this 1-14 hour nap is your best bet.

“Just Closing Your Eyes for a Few Minutes” and Then Falling Fully Asleep
We all lie to ourselves. Surely this little white lie won’t be the one that tips the scales and turns you from “sleepy person” to “monster.”

Boredom Nap
For when you’ve got a few hours or even weeks between worthwhile things to do, see, or live for.

Avoiding Upsetting Memories Nap
Did your ex just follow you on Twitter after not speaking to you for three years? Why not doze off instead of confronting your personal failures?

Beauty Rest
Ideal for keeping your skin looking young even as your bones and positive memories turn to dust.

The Reverse-Nap
Well, crud, you’ve been in bed for an entire weekend. Walk from your bed to your window, notice how the birds regard with you disgust, then lurch back to your prison of comfort.

The Waking Nap
For when you can no longer tell the difference between the torture of being awake and the numbness of being asleep.

Dirt Nap
Finally, peace.