Actual Answers to the Question “What or Who Is the Greatest Love of Your Life?” That Were Not, to My Surprise, “You”

Teddy Wayne’s Unpopular Proverbs: Stupidity

Translated Thoughts and Questions That Are Running Through a North Korean Refugee’s Mind When He Is Awarded Political Asylum in the United States, Settles Down, Turns on the Television, and the First Thing He Sees Is a Fancy Feast Cat-Food Commercial

Actual Answers to Questions From a Reading Comprehension Booklet

Inevitable Questions from My Daughter, and How I Plan to Answer Them

Signs the Frog Has Been Boiled

We’re the G7 Finance Ministers and Everything’s Great

Congrats, Dipshit, You’re a Dad Now

Excerpts from The Believer: What Does the AuraCamera 6000 See?