“You’re harder to catch than Osama bin Laden.”

“The holidays come faster every year. Just like toilet paper—the closer you get to the end, the faster it unravels.”

“Hey, I finally got a hold of the hardest working man in Akron, Ohio.”

“You’re harder to find than George Bush’s second term.”

“You sound like you woke up next to Marilyn Monroe.”

“You know who I am. You’ve been throwing my brochures away for years.”

“Hey! You sound like $40 billion! How do you feel?!”

“How is the most handsome man in Akron?”

“I’m calling from sunny San Diego, California. I saved a spot on the beach for you.”

“I heard a rumor. I heard that when Donald Trump needs money, he comes to you.”