Actually Heard:
“You all got legs, help a brother with one leg out.”
“Come on man, that’s my head you’re hitting.”
“Merry fucking Christmas.”
“Two Dura-gizers, one dollar.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, I am a blind accordian-playeer. I am here to entertain you on the train.”
“Jesus Christ is the redeemer, let him redeem you with his Christ-liness, Jesus he will. Yes.”
“Excuse me, can I sit there? I’m going to ralph.”
“I love SubTalk, ’cause I get to see all those poet guys and stuff.”
“I’m on Fifth Avenue. That noise in the background? No, that’s just some guy with a loudspeaker.”
Never Heard:
“When I sneeze I will aim my nose at my own jacket so as to spare you a sticky mess.”
“No, that was definitely me. I will remove myself from your presence at the very next stop.”
“I’m sorry that I’m brushing up against you; I do not want you, and if I could put my ass anywhere else, trust me, I would.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, hold on tight; there’s a train ahead and we’re bustin’ on through.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be cleaning this up as soon as I’m done.”
“Mommy, can I be quiet now?”