1. Speak exclusively in falsetto.
2. Memorize the death dates of presidents you hate, then align these anniversaries with relationship milestones so as to imbue your special days with meaning.
3. Accentuate those cankles!
4. Paint a portrait of your date in the style of Frida Kahlo.
5. Swap tax information early and often. Keep no secrets.
6. Coif boldly.
7. Keep your friends in the loop: live tweet every date.
8. Find an interesting insect and write an imaginative backstory for it together.
9. Invoke past lovers’ deficiencies in every compliment.
10. Browse ancestry.com together. Rule out the possibility of incest.
11. Initiate a “derisive laugh” contest.
12. Invite strangers and bystanders to join your date to ease tension.
13. Whistle casually.
14. Count as high as you possibly can out loud to demonstrate your resilience and tenacity.
15. Get an X-ray together.
16. Put your date’s mother on speakerphone and ask her which qualities she seeks in a potential mate for her child. Do not introduce yourself.
17. If the conversation lags, discuss vitamin deficiencies.
18. Rent a boat, but never take it out.
19. Photoshop your face in strict accordance with society’s standards of physical beauty, then hold up an iPad bearing this appealing image to obscure your real face for the duration of your time together.
20. Invent better middle names for each other.
21. See how many times you can integrate the word “brittle” into your conversation before your date notices and comments on this quirk.
22. Appear more cosmopolitan by attempting to pay with foreign currency.
23. Never stop cradling your date’s face in your hands.
24. Take turns deleting one app at a time from each other’s phones until you have nothing left but one another.
25. Yawn often to show off those handsome pearly whites and so that your date sees the interior of your mouth and wants to kiss you.