This is bullshit.

It’s not like I have anything else on, but it’s the principle of the thing. Mufasa would never come to the birth of my children. I wouldn’t want him to. It’d be weird. Also, he’d probably try to eat them.

Oh, God, what if this is a trap? What if they feel like eating out, but they can’t be bothered because they just had a baby? What if I’m home-delivery? No. No, they’ve practically summoned the whole Sahara. They just want to show off their baby. But why show it off to us? Why would you make your food look at your baby? It’s just so weird. Is it a sex thing? I hope it’s not a sex thing.

Oh… presents! They must want presents. Well, shit, I don’t have any money. And I can’t make them a gift. I don’t have any fingers.

This situation is so awkward. This wouldn’t be happening if we lived in a republic. Maybe I’ll say something to the other animals. I mean, I won’t make a big song and dance (that’s really more of a lion thing). I’ll be cool about it. During the speeches, I’ll start eating some grass, and chew really loudly, and then, just so the other animals can hear me, I’ll say, “Whoops, looks like I’ve got a mouthful of Mufasa’s dead relatives!” and we’ll all have a big laugh! I’m not really gonna do that—but how cool would it be if I did? If anything, it’d impress Hanna.

Yeah. I wish Hanna was going. But she can’t. Because the lions ate her. That whole “Circle of Life” deal is decidedly one-sided.

This kingdom is fucking bullshit.