Dear British People,

Look, I don’t know much about jolly old England or Great Britain or whatever it is called, but this Brexit bullshit is a real bummer. There was a time when the English people were voting in mass to name some ship “Boaty McBoatface.” That, my friends, was the height of the British Empire. Now they vote in mass to leave Europe or something? And then talk about it for like three years?


When I look across the pond, I want to think about rock and roll, punk rock, Monty Python, and how much those Oasis brothers hate each other. That is pretty much it. So I can’t tell you how delighted I was back in March 2016 when the major news story broke out that a nation-wide #nameourship poll for some royal navy scientific boat came up with the name “Boaty McBoatFace.” Yes! This is exactly the kind of thing I would expect from those rocking, hilarious British bastards!

But no. Three months later, in June, the same people who voted for Boaty McBoatFace voted for Brexit! Blah blah blah, withdrawal from the EU, blah blah blah. What a bunch of wankers.

Sitting here in the good ole US of A, I can’t think of any other example of when a majority of people who I thought were pretty cool suddenly voted for something so stupid.

Shame on you England/Great Britain/whatever! I guess watching the Royal Family cranking out kids is mildly entertaining, but the sun has set on my admiration for you. You have such a stupid problem now of your own making. Instead of calling that big, cool scientific ship “Boaty McBoatFace,” you chickened out and gave the name to some dinky little submarine.

Now, how are you people going to turn this boat around!?! (That is a metaphor.)

I am sending you my thoughts and prayers.