Open Letter: An Open Letter to My Local Newspaper With Advice for When It Runs Its Next Two-Page Photo Spread on the Beautiful Colors of the Season
by Frank Ferri (2/19/2007)

B.R. Cohen’s Annals of Science: Vol. XII: Galileo Was Right About the Stars
by B.R. Cohen (2/16/2007)

List: Mildly Disturbing Greeting-Card Messages
by Cal Newport (2/16/2007)

List: Things I Desperately Wish Women Would Say to Me on First Dates
by Mike Drucker (2/16/2007)

Appropriate Reverence Along the Hollywood Walk of Fame
by Nathaniel Missildine (2/16/2007)

Competitive Horseback Riding Rule Book
by Leeyanne Moore (2/15/2007)

Dispatches from the NBA Entertainment League: Dispatch 19: The Game That Was the Pride of New England
by Graham Murphy (2/15/2007)

Jokes by Brian Beatty: Ouch
by Brian Beatty (2/15/2007)

Two Previously Known and 15 Brand New Closing Signatures, To Be Inserted At the End of Your Love Letters For Valentine’s or Any Other Day
by Mike Sacks (2/14/2007)

Kevin Dolgin Tells You About Places You Should Go In Europe: Alexander the Naval Trombone Player: St. Petersburg, Russia
by Kevin Dolgin (2/14/2007)

Monologue: Tom Skerritt’s Speech to the Cadets in Top Gun Is Probably Long Enough as It Is
by Patrick Cassels (2/14/2007)

The Birthday Party Log of Ned, Born On February 29
by Brian Sutorius (2/13/2007)

Dan Liebert, Verbal Cartoonist: Civil War Re-enactors
by Dan Liebert (2/13/2007)

Pretending To Be Her Daughter, Mrs. Epstein E Mails 5-Year-Old Katie Schuster About A Play Date
by G.F. Snell (2/12/2007)

The Convergences Contest: Actaeon: An Ovidian Impromptu.
by Lawrence Weschler (2/11/2007)

Dispatches from the NBA Entertainment League: Dispatch 18: The Rout That Got Us Back on Track
by Graham Murphy (2/10/2007)

The Rise and Fall Of Ziggy Stardust’s Personal Assistant
by Rob McFeeley (2/9/2007)

List: Band Names Rejected by the Smashing Pumpkins
by Ryan Vaughn (2/8/2007)

List: Opening Sentences to A Tale of Two Cities Rejected by Dickens Before He Settled on “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times …”
by John Andreini (2/8/2007)

List: Subjects of Pictures That Accurately Represent College Life, According to’s Tags on Recently Submitted Pictures
by Katie Cooper (2/8/2007)

The Office: A Spec Script By David Mamet
by Julia Ward (2/8/2007)

Fitzgerald Contest Winner and Runners-Up: Marionettes During Dinner Party Meeting and Kissing
by Evan Perriello (2/7/2007)

Fitzgerald Contest Winner and Runners-Up: High Branch
by Michael Rottman (2/7/2007)

Fitzgerald Contest Winner and Runners-Up: Confessions of Andrew Fulton, Turfgrass Emperor, Broadway Star, and Toast of New York’s Avant-Garde Art Scene; or, Come Home, Kitty 2! Come Home!
by Sharon McGill (2/7/2007)

Whale Of Mass Destruction— Richard B. Cheney, Adjunct Professor In The Humanities, Presents: The Annual Symbolism In Melville Lecture
by Blair Becker (2/7/2007)

Fitzgerald Contest Winner and Runners-Up: I Can Run Like the Wind
by Victoria Hannan (2/7/2007)

Jokes by Brian Beatty: Novel
by Brian Beatty (2/7/2007)

Stained Teeth: A Column About Wine: Column 3: Wine-Tasting at a Laundromat Art Extravaganza
by Matthew Latkiewicz (2/7/2007)

The Convergences Contest: Contest Winner #28: Sand and Moon
by Alison Cornyn (2/7/2007)

The Americans Who Voted For George W. Bush Wish To Return Their Television
by Wayne Gladstone (2/6/2007)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by making a donation.