Don’t shut the barn door after the horse is gone; it’s not that he can’t reopen the door himself—he can, we’ve trained him—but the door sometimes gets stuck because of the humidity, and it requires three of us to push it free. That’s time we could have spent doing other things that need work on the farm, such as updating our website, developing new apps, pitching to venture capitalists…oh, I guess I should explain: we’ve taken over this farm to incubate a tech startup, and the farmers left a horse here that, as part of the lease, we’re legally required to take care of. We thought it would be cool at first, but it actually sucks—his food and water need to be constantly replenished, and when we don’t pay attention to him we feel guilty that we’re neglecting him. Anyway, like I said, don’t shut the barn door, it just creates more work for us when we’re already overburdened.
NEW BOOK ALERT
What the world needs is a 680-page, three-pound humor anthology. KEEP SCROLLING TILL YOU FEEL SOMETHING: TWENTY-ONE YEARS OF HUMOR FROM McSWEENEY’S INTERNET TENDENCY is now available for preorder.
August 30, 2016
As little as $1 a month ($12 a year!) goes a long way towards supporting our editorial staff and contributors while keeping us ad-free. Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.