5th wall: Address the director’s concerns about your performance.
6th wall: Ask if the crew can take five.
7th wall: Quietly hyperventilate in the bathroom mirror.
8th wall: Call your agent.
9th wall: Speak with the only crew member who gets what you’re going for, Sharon, from craft services.
10th wall: Redo the scene, this time with a much broader reaction, despite everything you learned at Tisch.
11th wall: Redo it again because you flubbed the line, “Smells like someone cares.” Who knew a Febreeze commercial could be this tricky?
12th wall: Square off with the director, who thinks he’s God’s gift to advertising.
13th wall: Spray Febreeze in his eyes.
14th wall: Break a set wall in the ensuing melee.
15th wall: Grapple with security as the tear-soaked director yells, “You’ll never work in this town again!”
16th wall: Explain to your shift manager at Island Burger about the bruises.
17th wall: Confer with a Venice attorney.
18th wall: Plead down from “assault with caustic chemicals” to “attempted battery.”
19th wall: Audition under an alias.
20th wall: Never work in the town again.
21st wall: Move back to Cleveland.
22nd wall: Check misdemeanor on all future job applications.
23rd wall: Understand debt and how it becomes consolidated.
24th wall: Scream at your laptop as you realize someone secretly recorded the fight, which has gone viral on TMZ.
25th wall: Realize that someone was Sharon, because the film begins at the snacks table.
26th wall: Field an insane amount of audition requests, as everyone loved the purity of your performance.
27th wall: Teleconference with Shia LaBeouf, who wants to stage a performance art piece about abusive on-set conditions.
28th wall: Play dual roles in Identical Sin, an acclaimed Netflix drama about a opioid-addicted cop stalking a serial killer who turns out to be his long-lost identical twin.
29th wall: Plummet further into debt after buying an estate in Benedict Canyon.
30th wall: Star in Sugar & Spite, an abysmal network dramedy about a baker communicating with her jailed husband through messages hidden in cakes.
31st wall: Fire your agent after Sugar & Spite is roundly panned.
32nd wall: Descend into estate-secluded madness.
33rd wall: Find yourself about to jump off the Santa Monica pier, stuffed with opioids and cake, pigeonholed by the industry, who considers you a fly-off-the-handle kind of actor, only it’s so tiring to channel all that rage, and just as your body is about to slip away, you feel a strong hand on your ankle.
34th wall: Embrace Sharon, for saving your life all over again.