The Treasure of the Sierra Madre: Everybody has a living wage so they don’t feel the need to betray and rob each other. Nobody dies.

Alien: People are comfortable listening to women in authority and the creature never comes on board the ship. Nobody dies.

Witness for the Prosecution: The jury doesn’t buy into the notion that a criminal charge will ruin an otherwise good man’s life, because it’s clear he totally did it. Nobody dies.

The Deer Hunter: All veterans are provided adequate mental health care. Nobody dies.

West Side Story: Immigration is viewed as a boost to the economy and overall culture. Everybody dances but nobody dies.

Animal House: Nobody graduates with student loan debt. This is so shocking to Boone that he almost has a heart attack and dies.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: There’s ample affordable housing for seniors so Charlie’s grandparents don’t have to share a single bed. Those privileged, capitalist children still meet their factory fates, as they had it coming.

Singing in the Rain: No notes. This movie is perfect. Even the weird ballet sequence. So long as all those studio employees were unionized.