I recently broke up with my girlfriend Lisa and to help get over the breakup, I took up knitting. I also took up scrapbooking. I also cut some sex holes into my papasan chair. Crafting really takes my mind off my troubles.

Most nights now, I sit at my kitchen table and work on my craft projects, but if the weather is nice I go crouch down outside my neighbors’ bedroom window and knit and watch them fuck. I would have never guessed that knitting and watching people fuck would relax me so much, but I also would have never guessed that I would still be sticking my dick into a papasan chair at age 38 either.

My neighbors, Rachel and Todd, are newlyweds and they have sex a lot, but I wish they’d screw even more. Yesterday morning, I dropped off one of my knitting projects on their front porch to encourage their love life. I’ve only had the opportunity to eyeball Rachel’s measurements, but I really hope that sex cardigan fits.

Because of crafting, I’ve made a number of new friends. Sometimes my friend Ron comes over and we latch hook and order pizza. Or sometimes we order ribs and go yarn bomb my neighborhood. Ron and I both have in a lot in common, but the thing we have most in common is our love of lowlight photographs of Rachel and Todd boning.

The other evening when we got together, Ron and I decided to collect all our best photos of Rachel and Todd and put them into a scrapbook.

“We could probably sell this for big bucks on Etsy,” Ron said.

It was true—we could’ve sold the scrapbook for thousands of dollars on the international scrapbook market. I certainly was tempted, but I’m very traditional when it comes to this sort of thing.

“We should give them the scrapbook as a present,” I told Ron.

And that’s what we did. The next morning, I wrapped up the scrapbook and set on Rachel and Todd’s porch. I wish I could have waited there and taken credit for this wonderful gift, but I had to run. Truth be told, I am way behind on a bunch of my craft projects right now, especially that pair of “welcome-to-the-neighborhood” crotchless panties for James and Tina, who just moved in across the street.