Sadly, our Pistons’ starting five arrived for our game and were met by only two Lakers. League rules require a minimum of four players per squad on game day or else there is a forfeit.

One of their rappers, contrary to his boasts, didn’t mess around and get a triple-double. He didn’t yell “Domino.” There was no pulling out the jammy and killing any punany. In short, it was not, in fact, a good day.

Nor a good dizzle. The Lakers’ other rapper did not show, not even to blaze up some chronic in the locker room and drink a celebratory gin-and-juice.

Their famed Tennessee pop star was not sore from a dance-off with Britney Spears at Joseph’s in Hollywood. He was simply nowhere to be found.

Their young Fox-sitcom TV star was not exhausted from being sandwiched in the middle.

And so we scrimmaged without refs for 40 minutes and called it a day.

Next week, in our penultimate regular-season game, we battle the first-place 10-1 Dallas Mavericks. It will be a serious test. Their center has already begun trash-talking, firing off incendiary missives to me about our squad. I am told to please forward to the rest of the “chicks” on my team.

Though in years past there has been the occasional WNBA player in the league, none are playing this year. Perhaps some of us have qualities traditionally ascribed to the fairer sex (as a team, I think it is fair to say, we are preoccupied with hair-care product), but biologically speaking, we are all male. This is the equivalent of bulletin-board material. He will rue the day he attempted to emasculate our squad; of that I am relatively certain.