Dreams are wishes your heart makes—so, before I finalize it, I want to make sure that after rubbing that lamp and setting me free, your one wish your heart is truly set on is repairing your car’s passenger side mirror. Because, believe it or not, it’s going to happen, instantly. So, take a minute and really think about whether this is something you dream about happening, or just something that occurred to you in the moment and you said it. Yeah, I know you don’t believe I’m real, you think this is either a prank or you’re hallucinating, but I’m an actual fucking genie about to grant you a wish, which basically almost never happens, and you’re about to blow it on a car repair that would cost twenty bucks.

Well, there you go—one passenger side mirror, good as new. Also, you should’ve wished for unlimited wishes. I would’ve told you, but you were being such a dick about everything.