1. Hopscotch
Tired of making insane leaps and constructing ridiculous arguments just to be contrary? Try sticking to physical leaps instead with a nice game of Hopscotch.
2. Go Fish
Go Fish is a fun, easy card game for all ages, which is why we picked it for this family gathering you were only invited to because Cousin Rachel hasn’t broken up with you yet. So maybe just try playing your cards without enlightening us with one of your ill-founded opinions, Derek.
3. Uno
Uno is a great game, nice and fast-paced, so it will distract you from the fact the impending government shutdown, and you kind of understand where the GOP and Trump are coming from, not that you support him, but you know, compromise is a two-way street. Hush now. Draw four.
4. Monopoly
In Monopoly, whoever makes the most money wins. A neat thing about Monopoly is that it is for fun, and the money is not real. You just can just play the game. You don’t even have to mention that article you read that made a decent argument against raising the minimum wage. For the love of God, just roll the dice.
5. Hide and Seek
The key to this game is to be quiet, Derek. If, say, you were to share your half-formed thoughts on why maybe building the wall wouldn’t be the worst idea, you would lose. We would all lose.
6. Simon Says
When Simon says stop talking, you stop talking, okay? Please. Just stop. Rachel, make him stop.
7. Tag
In the game of tag, whoever is “It” has to run around chasing the other players. Running may cause you to lose your breath, rendering you unable to speak, which would be sweet relief for all of us at this point.
8. Solitaire
The great thing about solitaire is that you can play it all by yourself. This will prove useful to you when we finally convince Rachel to break up with you after you announce that you don’t think climate change is a myth, per se, but there must be a reason they call it a scientific theory.