Re: Urgent Grievances

Yesterday, my girlfriend, Abby, and I rented one of your U-Move-It moving trucks, and, despite your slogan’s promise, this has hardly been a “U-Move-It, You’ll Love It” experience. Given the urgency of my situation, which, I assure you, cannot be overstated, I must insist on an immediate remedy to my grievances.

1. When we arrived to pick up our U-Move-It truck, the gentleman behind the counter (“Ricky”) asked me why we had rented two trucks. I explained there must be a mistake. Ricky apologized, but explained that company policy required him to charge “a small cancellation fee.” Distracted by this inexplicable fee, I failed to inspect the truck.

2. I pulled our U-Move-It truck into traffic, Abby following behind. The poor mounting of the side mirrors made it difficult to see, and I was unable to observe Abby becoming stuck at a red light after I drove through the yellow. The wobbly steering column required me to keep both hands on the wheel, making it impossible for me to answer my cell a few minutes later when she called to report she’d been rear-ended.

3. After arriving at our apartment, I noticed a sign above the dash warning me not to hit my head as I exited the truck, which sufficiently distracted me so that I hit my head upon exiting. The pain put me in a sour mood, which caused me to bark “Where the hell have you been?” when Abby finally arrived, holding her neck.

4. When we opened the back of the truck, we discovered it was covered in sawdust and horse manure. I immediately reported the problem, but U-Move-It only advised that I should locate a broom and probably a shovel and make sure the truck was clean upon return.

5. Abby, after shoveling out the truck, appeared at our bedroom door wanting to know why I hadn’t started packing. I explained I was waiting to discuss the manure situation with a U-Move-It customer-service representative, but that I had been on hold for an unreasonable length of time. Also, our truck did not contain the promised dolly or packing blankets.

6. Abby agreed to drive the truck to our new place, where I would join her after picking up a few things. It turns out my cell phone had slipped behind the seat of the truck due to a negligently wide gap between the seat and the seatback. I can only imagine her frustration with U-Move-It when, after she got lost and tried calling me for directions, she heard my phone ringing behind the seat.

7. It took me almost 90 minutes to find our truck, parked in the lot of a White Castle. Abby was sitting inside the restaurant, nibbling the straw of an empty vanilla shake.

8. Ironically, she wouldn’t leave until I apologized. I suggested she call your company for the apology. When she told me that she didn’t have the number (a bit sarcastically, I might add), I pointed out that my cell phone had been with her in the truck, and that she could’ve hit redial. She stomped out to the truck and started throwing some of my things onto the pavement. This problem could have been mitigated if the truck had been equipped with a more secure locking system, which would have allowed me sufficient time to intervene.

9. Eventually, she calmed down. When we finally reached our new apartment, the property manager told us that building policy precluded moving after 8:30 p.m., and it was now 8:45. We explained that we had intended to arrive nine hours prior, but the manager said the policy was absolute.

10. When I started unrolling our sleeping bags in the back of the U-Move-It truck, Abby laughed, mumbled something about a hotel, and tossed a suitcase through an open window into the back seat of her car. She pulled up beside the truck, laughed some more, then drove off.

11. She still hasn’t returned, and our things remain in the truck, which is due back at the original rental location in three hours, or else a hefty late fee will be charged.

I’m sure you understand the dilemma here. As you can see, your company has caused us considerable harm. What shall I do now? Also, can the late fee be waived?