Entenmann’s Irish Crème Glazed Donuts
Submitted by Kathrine Popielarz
I am a 26-year-old humanities major living in Chicago so, naturally, I live with my mom. Most non-essential food items just appear in my home after my mother has completed another round of impulse shopping. The latest “new food” to appear was Entenmann’s Irish Crème Glazed Donuts. It has been introduced just in time for St. Patrick’s Day and of course, my mother has taken advantage just as she has before with odd colored Little Debbie’s and candy-enriched ice creams.
I ate my first Irish Crème donut at the start of the week. I consumed it quickly on the way to the bus so I’m afraid its nuances were lost on me. But I tried it again the next morning and just for good measure that subsequent afternoon and finally I got a better sense of it. The glaze is applied thinly, but it packs a full flavor. The creaminess is immediate and complements the fluffy innards of the donut. After a fourth and fifth sample, I detected a citrus-like aftertaste that provides a convenient palate-cleanse before your post-donut dinner.
For those who drink Irish Crème, you may be disappointed to know that the donut lacks any hint of coffee flavors, though I’m sure it could serve as a fine companion to any coffee you dipped it in.
Though the glaze lacks the alcoholic punch of, say, Bailey’s (or your preferred coffee liqueur), it still provides comfort and satisfaction. I’m slightly ashamed to admit that this week has dwindled my box of ten down to just two. I encourage you to seek out this limited-edition flavor and experience it for yourself. Just consider buying two boxes instead of one.
Banana-Flavored Powerful Yogurt
Submitted by Crystal Clark
As I browse the food aisles of Target looking for a low-hassle lunch, I spy a sleek black yogurt cup with FIND YOUR INNER ABS printed on the side. While I’m not quite sure what that means, I also find it extremely insightful about the yogurt itself. This isn’t your grandma’s Yoplait. I’m intrigued enough to buy it. Kudos to the marketing folks (although I’m a little disappointed that the names of the flavors aren’t more jazzy, like “Bitchin’ Banana”).
I get back to my desk, peel the foil top back, and I hear the faint sounds of barbell clanking and ass slapping. With no fat and 21 grams of protein in one cup, this product was made for people who take protein and working out very seriously. I’m not one of those people, but part of the draw is that this yogurt will make me one of those people. This will be the solution for years of inertia. Again, good job to the folks in marketing.
I stir it up, making sure to bring the yellow gel, or the “banana,” from the bottom to mingle with the rest of the yogurt. I take a tentative bite. Tastes like a lab, but it’s not unpleasant. I can only eat a half spoonful at a time, any more and the texture evokes my gag reflex. This isn’t the fault of Powerful Yogurt. This is the fault of all yogurts.
I consume one baby spoonful at a time and decide to visit the website listed on the side: www.powerful.yt. I’ve never heard of the .yt domain. I hope it’s short for yogurt. As I scroll down the page, I see other products in the Powerful family, and past those, I’m not surprised to see a sweaty shirtless guy with 1.8% body fat in an American flag workout bandanna quoted in a statement about protein. He looks like the kind of guy who uses the word “shred” without irony.
The more I eat, the more synthetic this tastes. I don’t finish the cup. I am vanquished. I put it in the fridge for tomorrow. Perhaps I’m not tough enough for this yogurt. After comparing the nutrition facts of this product with my usual go-to (Chobani), I see that you can achieve the same nutritional goal by consuming one and a half to two regular cartons of yogurt. But you won’t have as much street cred.