Errors in Communication Between My Hairdresser and Me, in the Form of What I Said and What He Heard

“Just a little off the length, and a little thinned out?”

“Could you make me look like a clown’s apprentice?”

“A little shorter, thanks.”

“I want the style that would emerge if you combined all three of Charlie’s Angels.”

“Just the usual—little shorter and thinner.”

“You know when you have a bubble bath and you shape it all around your head? I want it like that.”

“If you could take some of the width off, that’d be great.”

“If you could make it hard for me to appear in public, that’d be great.”

“Of course it isn’t OK—you’ve disfigured me beyond repair. I look like a mushroom.”

“That’s perfect. Take my money.”