PARENT 1: Welcome home!
CHILD: Manipulative!
PARENT 1: Wait. What?
CHILD: Toxic!
PARENT 1: Who? Me?
CHILD: Narcissist!
PARENT 1: You keep saying words, but without verbs.
CHILD: Gaslighting!
PARENT 1: I’m just thinking that if you put these words into a sentence, I might get a better sense of what’s on your mind.
CHILD: You’re a manipulative, toxic narcissist!
PARENT 1: Me? How?
CHILD: Ah! See? Gaslighting!
PARENT 1: Okay, I feel like you’ve learned some new words at school, and now you’re just cycling through them without any context or evidence. Maybe you’re hungry. Would you like a sandwich? I’m making sandwiches.
CHILD: Manipulative! Toxic! Gaslight!
PARENT 1: You forgot narcissist.
CHILD: Narcissist!
PARENT 1: Is tuna okay? I have some nice tuna.
CHILD: Gaslight! Toxic! Manipulative! Narcissist!
PARENT 1: And I have some fresh bread from Ben’s Grocery. Would you like me to toast it? You always liked it toasted.
CHILD: Manipulative! Gaslight! Narcissist! Toxic!
PARENT 1: What would you like to drink? Your dad and I made lemonade yesterday. He thinks it’s too sweet, but I like it. I remember you like it sweet.
CHILD: Toxic! Manipulative! Gaslight! Narcissist!
PARENT 2 (walking into kitchen): Hey kid! You’re home! Give me a hug!
CHILD: Manipulative! Gaslight! Toxic! Narcissist!
PARENT 2: Hm. There seem to be some new words in her vocabulary.
PARENT 1: Yes, but no verbs. Just the four words, in different combinations.
CHILD: Gaslight! Toxic! Manipulative!
PARENT 1: You forgot narcissist.
CHILD: Narcissist!
PARENT 2: Interesting.
PARENT 1: Try these apple slices. They’re so bright tasting, don’t you think? I found them at the farmer’s market. I think they’re from Oregon.
CHILD: (chewing sounds) Manipulative… Toxic… Gaslight… Narcissist.
PARENT 2: Would you like some dessert? Aunt Sandy dropped off some ice cream.
CHILD: Gaslight! Toxic! Narcissist!
PARENT 1: You forgot manipulative.
CHILD: Manipulative!
PARENT 2: Here you go. I put it in that bowl you made in third grade.
CHILD: (slurping sounds) Toxic… Manipulative… Narcissist…. Gaslight…
PARENT 1: Feel better now?
CHILD: Gaslight. Toxic. Narcissist. Manipulative.
PARENT 1: Oh, I forgot. You should see your room. I cleaned the windows, and Dad sewed that frayed part of your bedspread. And the cat’s been sleeping on your pillow. She can’t wait to see you.
CHILD: Trauma!
PARENT 1: Yes, right. I figured that one was coming.
PARENT 2: Well, welcome home.
PARENT 1: We look forward to a wonderful summer with you.
PARENT 2: You and your new words.