Birds. Most people just know them as those loud things that are always flapping around the sky like jackasses, but there’s actually much more to them than that. Birds are incredibly complex and fascinating creatures that researchers are learning new things about all the time. Want to know more? Here is everything we currently know about birds.
When birds fly in a V, they’re pointing in the direction of an old person who just died.
Laying eggs is how birds say “sup.”
Big Bird from television is not actually a real bird but rather several thousand birds behaving as a single organism with gestalt intelligence.
When you hear lots of birds chirping at the same time, it’s because they’re trading stocks.
At ninety-five, Queen Elizabeth II is the world’s oldest living bird.
A horse can eat over one hundred birds without getting sick.
Bird nests are kinda neat, but they’re not nearly as impressive as houses.
When you see vultures circling, they’re usually searching the ground for a missing retainer.
Birds have often been observed making and utilizing simple tools, such as a crucifix fashioned from plastic forks.
The ostrich is the world’s largest bird, but no one knows exactly how large because, c’mon, those things aren’t gonna hold still long enough to get measured.
Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not actually birds. They’re, like, tall dogs or something.
The bird’s natural predator is the thrown shoe.
We should all be afraid of geese.
Birds absolutely suck at Jenga.
The collective noun for a group of birds is a “sky problem.”
Sometimes all the birds in the world just randomly start flying south at the same time. It’s nuts.
Your mom’s seen a couple hummingbirds at her feeder this year. Lots of cardinals too.
Each bird species has its own unique “song,” such as “Bad Medicine” by Bon Jovi (mountain starlings), “Wanted Dead or Alive” by Bon Jovi (grey hornbills), and “You Give Love a Bad Name” by Bon Jovi (fan-tailed warblers).
Woodpeckers might seem harmless, but just sayin’, you probably shouldn’t trust things that slam their faces into trees all day.
Scientists determined birds are distant relatives of dinosaurs after uncovering the fossils of several tyrannosaurs shitting on windshields of Honda Civics.
Birds stand on telephone wires because it’s not like there are bird chairs lying around or anything.
The so-called “bald eagle” isn’t actually bald at all—in fact, it is literally covered head-to-toe in feathers. So, like, what the fuck?
Birds are not dryer safe.
Birds are the disturbing winged people from the clouds, and one day they will kill us all.