What is Pirate’s Booty?

Pirate’s Booty is a cheese-flavored puffed corn and rice snack. It is one of the four main Realistic Food Groups, along with Cheese Sticks/Wheels, Applesauce Pouches, and Nuggets. As anyone in the proximity of children can tell you, Pirate’s Booty is a critical component of every child’s dietary habits.

What is a typical serving size of Pirate’s Booty?

It varies. While the nutrition facts state that a recommended portion is one ounce, a serving size might be as small as a single stale piece found in the crack of a car seat or as large as an entire family-sized bag offered as a last-minute/last-nerve dinner replacement.

What nutrients does Pirate’s Booty provide?

Virtually none, but anecdotal evidence has shown that children who aren’t spitting out meatloaf spiked with cauliflower and grownups who aren’t wasting physical and emotional energy trying futilely to cram a cube of butternut squash into their child’s mouth are generally happier and less stressed.

How can I ensure my child is getting
enough Pirate’s Booty in their diet?

By regularly having multiple bags on hand. Many parents find it’s good practice to pick up a bag whenever they’re at the grocery store or while hitting Target at 9:45 p.m. again for some space to wander without hearing any children’s voices. Try keeping smaller bags (available in twelve-packs) in your car, backpack, purse, laptop tote, stroller caddy, gym sack, coat pockets, beach bag, bicycle panniers, kayak dry hatch, emergency preparedness kit, and anywhere else there’s a chance your child might want/reject food.

Can my child eat only Pirate’s Booty?

It may sometimes seem like all your child is eating these days is Pirate’s Booty and the occasional halved grape. Rest assured that dietary balance with young ones is meant to be a long-term goal, not a daily struggle. While available data for Pirate’s Booty diets are relatively scarce, millions of single-item-eating children have grown up just fine, if a little picky. Previous studies have shown similar results, including the Cheerios-only diets of the 1990s and buttered-noodle diets popularized in the 1970s and ’80s.

Can adults eat too much Pirate’s Booty?

Absolutely. While different for everyone, psychoanalytic studies show that there comes a point in your body’s aging and development when unlimited Pirate’s Booty goes from an acceptable food source to a problematic grazing disorder. This usually occurs somewhere around the time you lose the ability to tantrum and gain the ability to know better.

What if my child refuses to eat
anything but Pirate’s Booty?

Look, at least they’re eating something.