These terms and conditions contain legal obligations. Please read these terms and conditions carefully before using your three wishes.
There is no purchase necessary to use these three wishes and no initial one-time user fee.
No responsibility can be accepted for wishes not made for whatever reason.
The wish maker will be chosen randomly by the wish granter, but the wish maker will have a much better chance of being chosen randomly if they assist the wish granter in some way, particularly by saving his or her life (especially involving release from a trap of some kind, i.e. a bottle) or, if there is no good opportunity for said assistance, by offering him or her a drink of water, or sharing a last bite of stale bread with said wish granter (especially if wish granter appears in guise old, ill, destitute, frightening, insane or any combination thereof).
The wish granter will notify the wish maker when and where the wishes can be collected and/or realized. Please note: this is often immediately, i.e. right here, right now, or not at all and never again. On the plus side, the wish maker will not be required to answer a skill-testing math question (other than keeping track of the number of wishes made during the wish-making process). While the wish granter often helps the wish maker keep track of said count, she/he are not required to do so.
The wish granter reserves the right to cancel or amend the wishes and these terms and conditions without notice in the event of a catastrophe, war, civil or military disturbance, act of God or any actual or anticipated breach of any applicable law or regulation or any other event outside of the wish granter’s control, including “not feeling like it at the moment.”
Disclaimer: The wish granter, and his/her agents and/or representatives do not make any guarantee that the three wishes will be provided on an error-free or timely basis or that the results derived therefrom will meet your requirements or expectations, and hereby disclaim all representations, warranties, terms, conditions, and endorsements of any kind, either express or implied.
No cash alternative to the wishes will be offered. The wishes are not transferable. As stated above, wishes are subject to availability and the wish granter reserves the right to substitute any wish with another of equivalent value. (By way of example: a wish for unparalleled wealth, if currently unavailable, may be substituted by a large net bag of chocolate coins covered in gold tinfoil. Or a wish for immortality, if currently unavailable, may be substituted by the inspiration and wherewithal to write an extremely catchy pop song and then have it recorded by pop star currently under contract with wish granter or perhaps a three-week stay in a dentist’s waiting room. A wish for unsurpassed beauty, if currently unavailable, may be substituted by a mani-pedi and a $200 Sephora gift certificate or a wig made of flax and a papier-mâché mask.)
These terms and conditions for your three wishes are subject to change at any time. Wish granters will notify wish makers of any changes to the wishes and the granting thereof via bread crumb trail, fairy godmother, magic mirror, or carrier pigeon. Note: sometimes notification is not possible until after the wish in question has been granted.
Limitation of liability: the wish maker must expressly understand and agree that in no event will the wish granter be liable for any damages whatsoever, including any direct, indirect, incidental, consequential, special or exemplary damages, and any damages for loss of profits, savings, goodwill or other intangible losses, regardless of whether the wish granter has been advised or could have foreseen the possibility of such damages, arising out of or in connection with the granting of a) the first wish b) the second wish or c) the third wish. This includes emotional distress ranging from mild personal embarrassment to the sudden inducement of psychosis and physical distress ranging from an outbreak of hives to a slight lengthening of the nose to dismemberment and death, and any other kind of distress you can think of. Also any kind of just plain stress.
The wish granter’s decisions in respect to all matters to do with the wishes are final and no correspondence will be entered into. The wish granter does not have an email address or a “snail mail” address, either.
The wish maker agrees to the use of his/her name and image in any publicity material of any kind, whether it is, for example (but not limited to), oral or written, performed by hand puppets, or communicated via interpretative dance.
By accepting these three wishes, a wish maker is indicating his/her agreement to be bound by these terms and conditions.
And finally:
The wish maker’s first wish must be ridiculous and of no real use to the wish maker at all.
The wish maker’s second wish must be even sillier. In fact, the wish maker is strongly advised to make his or her second wish mildly harmful to his or her own person, keeping in mind the disclaimer listed above, which states that the wish granter cannot be held liable in any way for the consequences of said wish.
The third wish must be used to indemnify the first two.