Teddy Wayne is the author of the novels Kapitoil and The Love Song of Jonny Valentine.
BY TEDDY WAYNE
Fish and guests smell after three days, but in the case of David, it’s more like six days—the guy has such an incredible cologne collection, he could go without bathing for probably a week and still be fine. But he’s the worst houseguest, though. Never cleans up and is totally ungrateful.
SUGGESTED READSOpen Letters: An Open Letter to a Future Houseguest
by Amy Fusselman (9/23/2011)
How to Make Your Own Proverbs
by Russell Bradbury-Carlin (1/8/2004)
List: Rethinking Horse Proverbs
by Joseph O'Brien (5/3/2004)
RECENTLYSuper Powers I Wish I Had
by Josh Herman (7/29/2016)
Monologue: Donatello Will Have You Know That If the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Were Little Women, Raphael Would Totally Be Amy
by Philip Wolfe (7/29/2016)
List: Demands from California Delegation BernieBros to NOT Disrupt Hillary Clinton’s Acceptance Speech
by Christopher Monks and John Warner (7/28/2016)
POPULARList: Comforting Thoughts for #NeverHillary Bernie Supporters After Trump’s First Term
by David Kawalec (7/26/2016)
These Smart Swimming Trunks Automatically Remind You to Be Self-Conscious!
by Chris Brotzman (7/22/2016)
List: Who Said It? Donald Trump or Regina George?
by Amber Karlins (7/22/2016)