Keeping a to-do list has long been one of the most efficient methods of managing errands, household tasks, and workflow. Whether it’s grocery lists, reminders, or repairs, the feasibility of a day’s workload is made much more palatable with a simple list format. In today’s world, however, with increased demand for productivity and output, as well as the drastically increasing speed of communication, it’s harder than ever to keep track of those lists.

If you’ve ever sat down to write a to-do list only to discover you’ve completely forgotten everything that would have actually been listed, I’m here to help. Below I’ve listed concrete steps to help you prepare a to-do list for your to-do lists:

1. Buy stationery and writing utensils

First and foremost you’ll need to take a trip to the store to purchase whatever your preferred stationery and utensils are. Generally speaking, most office supplies shops offer a wide variety of paper styles and fashions. Choose the store that you’re comfortable with, and purchase the materials that you can reasonably afford. Now, I realize you may be concerned about your ability to remember to perform this task since it isn’t actually a part of the to-do list. I’ve taken this into account for step #2:

2. Buy stationery and writing utensils

So, in order to make sure that you remember to take the initial trip to the store you must actually take an EARLIER trip to the store to buy paper and leave yourself a note about this matter. This way, you’ll know with absolute certainty that you won’t forget to head to the store to buy the materials to make the ACTUAL to-do list that will curate all of your to-do lists. It seems a bit overwrought, but taking the necessary steps as I’ve laid them out for you will make all the difference in the end.

3. Buy stationery and writing utensils

Okay, just bear with me here. To ensure that all the steps are followed you might want to just head over to the stationery store immediately. Just, drop whatever you’re doing and drive to the store, like, right now. Buy as much paper as you can afford so that you can write all of this down. If for some reason you start to get consumed by this process and forget to nourish yourself, remember you can always take breaks in between writing out reminders to hydrate and use the restroom.

4. Buy stationery and writing utensils

For legal reasons I think it is important to stress that last bit of step #3 — if you’re feeling faint or need to get out of the sun PLEASE remember to do so. Your health is the most important thing, and if you’re not nourishing your body you aren’t going to be performing at full capacity. Maybe at an earlier date buy a pack of uniquely colored paper or some sticky notes (so they will stand out!) and write all of this down.

5. Buy stationery and writing utensils

There’s a chance that I haven’t actually thought all of this through. In fact, there may not be enough paper being produced annually to fill your needs as I’ve laid them out for you. Still though, a trip to the stationery store won’t hurt. As a matter of fact, every time I’m in there I pick up some little knickknacks or things for my desk. I have this little metal helicopter that doubles as a paperweight. It’s kind of a fun little desk toy. In a way it kind of relaxes me, y’know? It’s kind of a little stress reliever, and lord knows we all suffer a little too much of that nasty business.

6. Buy stationery and writing utensils

I’ve been really depressed lately. I’m living paycheck to paycheck and it doesn’t seem like I’ll ever be able to dig myself out of this negative loop. I can’t shake this heightened sense that as a people we’re simultaneously united and divided by grief and heartache, and we’re just silently riding out the waves of our collective misery until the sun eventually burns out and all of life as we understand it gets sucked into nothingness. Here today, gone tomorrow, am I right? Hah. I had an uncle who used to say that all the time. He’s dead now, though. Death is inescapable. The booze helps.

7. Buy stationery and writing utensils

I’m really sorry but I don’t remember what I was supposed to be helping you with. I started toying around with my paperweight here at my desk and it kind of took me out of it. You did need help with something though, right? What was it again?