I don’t really know how I got to the King’s Storeroom, but now that I’m here I’m not sure how to get out. I thought I’d be making something like Lessons of Darkness by now. I thought I’d be making films that’d be a real catalyst for change in the world or something. I barely know these kids. I’m not sure I even like children, you know. All I know is that they must’ve made it across that moat and answered some questions and then I’m expected to grab them and take them out of the temple. Even if you get comfortable with invading a 12-year-old’s personal space, you’ve also gotta deal with the fact that you are inevitably going to scare the crap out of these kids and do they really deserve that? Do I really deserve to get thrown up on? Should I feel responsible when a kid wets himself because I jumped out at him after he just waded through a bunch of foam blocks? A kid punched me in the throat one time and maybe I deserved that. It’s a pretty cutthroat competition considering the grand prize is just a bike. Those BK Ratch Techs are pretty cool, though.
MCSWEENEY'S QUARTERLY SUBSCRIPTIONS
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July 1, 2016
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