Temple Guard

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Good news, everyone! Animation is magic. When I wake up a chipmunk brushes my teeth while three raccoons dress me in the usual—hilarious graphic tee; open long-sleeved button-down to keep it profesh; cargo shorts filled with stolen work pens, loose change, and bunny stamps I told my wife were for work things. You’re probably thinking, “Why the chipmunk and raccoons?” Because the higher ups get the blue birds and fawns, but that doesn’t make it any less magical. Water cooler gossip is limited, though, since nobody wants to talk about their families thanks to the unusually high number of orphans in the building. I usually spend the morning playing with laser pointers and discussing character design and performance (today’s focus is butts). A mustachioed toymaker leads a parade of confetti-throwing marionettes to signal the start of the mandatory daily foosball meeting (though the marionettes have been sort of downtrodden since one of the vending machine possums ate their bug friend). Lunch is usually served by some other animals—talking ones, wearing shirts and shoes, but not pants for whatever reason. This has prompted food safety concerns, but the 8-foot tall bipedal dog wears a chef hat so it’s probably fine. Yesterday I filmed myself twirling while wearing a tiara and impractical shoes to channel my inner princess until I fell down and ripped my shirt. On the way out the door every evening a floating child (who may or may not be in charge of a bunch of other smaller children) throws a handful of glitter in our faces.