This is nice, isn’t it? The tingle of anticipation. The calm before the storm. I know you came here for The Beat to drop, but this is my time so come on in and sit a spell.

Now, did I ever tell you about the time I met Dennis Kucinich? It was in a grocery store the night before my sister’s wedding. We went in to grab a few granola bars for the morning and… hey, why are you getting up? Yes. The Beat will drop soon. My goodness! Possess your soul in patience! That’s an old expression.

As I was saying, we walk into the grocery store and I turn to my sister and say, “I think that’s Dennis Kucinich!” Well, we started following him to get a better look. I mean, you never think you’ll see a former presidential candidate in the grocery store of all places! Hm? The Beat? Oh he’s wonderful. Really knows how to get the party started. He does like to make a dramatic entrance, though. Always fashionably late.

I don’t know, maybe two more minutes? Three? Look, I already said The Beat is coming and I’m starting to take offense. There’s more to a song than just that showboater, okay? Me, The Beat, The Bridge: we all work as a team. Respect the process. So back to Dennis Kucinich…

If you’re going to stand up then for goodness’ sake stand like a person! What are you doing with your hands? Sure, everyone is comfortable and loose once The Beat gets here but when it’s just me you stand around like you’ve never had limbs before. Kids. You don’t appreciate the full experience of a song. It’s all about instant gratification. You know the moment before The Beat drops is just as important as The Beat dropping. I set you up for him. Get you primed and aching for him to arrive. Don’t you want The Beat to drop? Aren’t you just PRAYING The Beat will drop right about now? That’s because of ME.

So, my sister and I walk up to him and say, “Are you Dennis Kucinich?” And he was. He took a picture with us right there in the paper towel aisle. Nice fella.

Oh, hang on. I just got a text message from The Beat. He’s caught in traffic. Looks like we’ve got just enough time for me to tell you about when I visited Toronto…