BRAS – Strapping. Supportive. Always near my boobs.
CHEESE – Sharp. Good with wine. Easily molded.
TV SETS – Modern. Always turned on. With a warranty.
BOOKS – Novel. Unpredictable. With a spine.
LIGHT BULBS – Efficient. Bright. On sale at Walgreens.
CARPETS – Stylish. Rugged. Lets me walk all over them.
PILLOWS – Firm. In excess. In my bed.
BABIES – Adorable. Potty-trained. With a nice crib.
SWEATPANTS – Warm. Resilient. Covered in cookie crumbs.
TAXIS – Clean. Safe. Willing to go to Brooklyn.
FLIGHTS – Smooth. Minimal baggage. With an emergency exit plan.
MIRRORS – Reflective. Full-length. Sees me for who I am.
FLOORS – Polished. Grounded. Underneath me.
KNIVES – Easy to handle. Clean-cut. In the kitchen.
SUNGLASSES – Cute. Protective. Easily Replaceable.
THESAURUS – Resourceful. Good with words. Magniloquent.
UBERS – Friendly. Convenient. Comes quickly.
FILMS – Funny. Original. Contains offensive language and adult situations.
SALADS – Wholesome. Well-dressed. Will lettuce be happy together.
EMPIRE STATE BUILDING – Classic. Distinguished. Indefinitely erect.
RELIGIONS – Philanthropic. Faithful. Interested in all kinds of sects.
TWEETS – Witty. Found online. Full of character.
BRAIN SURGERY – Complex. Open-minded. Faces problems head-on.
U.S. GOVERNMENT – Progressive. Diverse. Relatively debt-free.
WINE – Perfectly aged. On a case-by-case basis. In the cellar.
FACEBOOK WALL – Candid. Likable. Without babies.
KEYBOARD – Silent type. Writes letters. Gives me space.
SUN – Hot. Punctual. Always goes down.