OMG, you GUYS. I met Timmy Binx today and he was so much fucking nicer than you’d think.
Sure, he’s like 13 months old, but that baby knows how to fucking connect. When I got to set to work with him, I was so worried he was gonna be a total dick. You know, like all of the other famous babies out there. I’m like, “Grow the fuck up and stop screaming!! We get it!!!” Haha! No, but really. Binxy (that’s our secret nickname we came up with together), was a fucking angel. All I had to say was “half-calf?” when I took his coffee order and he giggled. He fucking GIGGLED. I giggled in response. Then he giggled again! Who would have thought that we had the SAME sense of humor?!
He’s also SOOO much younger-looking in person. Like, I know that on his reality series, Diaper Blow, he looked semi-dried out. But no, you guys, when you actually have the opportunity to get up close and personal like I did, his skin was so, so beautiful and hella soft. This baby owns a room, let me fucking tell you.
I told him I have started using Selma Hayek’s new skincare line, “Simply Selma,” but then he like, weirdly spit up on his own chest, and like, I think that’s his way of telling me to go fuck myself and my bootleg skincare regimen — so I did! Haha! I know it sounds crazy. Like, “Jamie, how do you know what this baby was saying to you?!” Well, you guys, I know because I just get him. Kinda in the same way you just get a best friend, or like, the same way you just get the guy that abandoned you on that trip to Tulum, even though you TOLD him it was your first time going and that stressed you out because Tulum is the new Tokyo, which is the new Sedona. No, this is different. I speak his language, which — I bet you didn’t know — is legiterally only sounds and noises. Fucccccking brilliant. I swear to G, linguistics majors could learn a thing or two from this fucking smart-ass baby.
Then this like, amazing thing happened. This is when I knew that he saw something in me. We were like, talking — OK, I was honestly the one talking, but I was so nervous I just couldn’t shut the fuck up! Like, shut the fuck up, Jamie! Lol!! Omg. So, I was gab, gab, gabbing away and I felt this pressure on my hand. Binxy gripped my finger and you guys, I have never felt so seen in my muthafucking life. I gasped and then I cried! And you won’t believe this… then he cried too. That is some Brené Brown shit right there. I see you, vulnerability! Haha!
I really think I’ve really found a mentor I can rely on. He’s going to give me my first break. I can feel it! It’s like, so many people have told me they’re going to help me with my career, but he’s really ready to connect me with his contacts. I know because the first contact of his I met was some woman named, “Mom.” She seemed like, too protective of him, but I just ignored her because she really annoyed me.
Fuck! I feel so alive right now. He’s changed my life and I only had like five minutes with him today. Imagine spending a fucking day with that fucking baby. That’s how impactful he is. Like, honestly, politics wouldn’t even matter if this baby was president because he could change the whole fucking world. I even quit smoking today because, when I offered him a cigarette, he just like, responded by bopping some weird plastic-rubber-thingy in his mouth. Inspired!