Her toilet is in the middle of the living room.
She insists dinner be served through the mail slot.
Her toothbrush doubles as a shiv.
Sex costs two packs of smokes.
She leaves home through a secret tunnel.
She’s always critiquing the craftsmanship of license plates.
Tawny Kitaen is No. 1 on her speed dial.
She gets a faraway look in her eyes whenever she passes a highway work crew.
Our arguments always end with her threatening to lawyer up.
Her freezer is full of human heads.
Lots of jumpsuits. Never skydives.