You guys are being such assholes about my shirt.

First of all, when I first bought this shirt the lady at the store said it could be worn this way. I was trying it on in the dressing room and noticed there was a different design on the inside and I thought to myself: Well! This looks kind of cool. I just thought it to myself, OK? But then I was about to ask the lady at the store if she thought the shirt could look cool inside out and she said, “Some people actually wear this shirt inside out because it’s sort of like having two different shirts.”

So, yeah! Right? Two shirts! There’s proof right there that this is so not a big deal. Straight from the mouth of the lady who works at the clothing store. She knows fashion. She has to. It’s her job. I don’t have many shirts is the other thing. Not that I’m a poor guy—I mean, who has any money these days, right? Which one of us is the Monopoly man?—but I don’t have many clothes. Period. So the idea of two shirts for the price of one isn’t a wild and crazy thing. If you bought two awesome shirts for the price of one would you feel like a moron? Would you feel duped? No. You would feel great. You just got a great deal! That’s how I feel about wearing this shirt inside out. I feel like I got a great deal and I don’t want to let myself down.

The other thing is that I forgot to take off the tag. Clearly. So sue me, alright? Sue me! I’ll take the tag off tomorrow. The important thing is that I’m trying to explain to you that it doesn’t matter where the tag goes. In Japan they actually put the tag on the other side of the shirt! This is what I’m told about Japan. So different international locations have different ideas about where the tag should go, that’s all I’m saying. If I were in Japan we would not be having this conversation. This would be a moot conversation in Japan.

I don’t like the way you guys are looking at me tonight. It’s important for you to know that I like the way this looks.

That girl is totally eying me. I’m going to go talk to her. BRB.


OK, guys. OK. She has a boyfriend, alright? A _boy_friend. Wasn’t because of the shirt. That’s ridiculous. You are all being so ridiculous right now I can’t even believe it.

You watch, though, in ten years shirt manufacturers will get the idea. They’ll figure it out, you’ll see! People want variety in their lives. Variety, after all, is the spice of life. You know how people say that about life? Well they’ll say it about fashion, too. They probably already say it about fashion.

It seems foolish to me not to have a cool design on the inside of a shirt. I’m no Johnny Hilfiger but why wouldn’t that be a good idea? Riddle me that, you stupid assholes. Riddle me that!

I’m going home.