If you give a poor a doctor, it’s going to ask for affordable medicine.
If you give a poor affordable medicine, it’s going to ask for paid time off work so that it can get healthy.
If you give a poor paid time off work so that it can get healthy, it still might not get healthy. At this point, the poor — which is short for “poor person,” FYI — will have to go back to the doctor.
If you let a poor go back to the doctor, the doctor’s going to run some expensive tests, and now the poor will ask not to go bankrupt!
If you allow a poor to avoid going bankrupt by subsidizing its medical tests, it will begin to think it has a right to economic security.
If you let a poor believe it has a right to economic security, it will demand a living wage.
If you give a poor a living wage, it will be able to provide for its family of poors.
If you enable a poor to provide for its family of poors, that poor will make all sorts of dangerous assumptions about society. For example, since this all began with a visit to the doctor, the poor might start to think that it has a right to health care. Worse, it might come to believe that it has other rights, like the right to a quality education for its children. Or the right to affordable housing. Or the right to a public water supply that isn’t flammable.
If you allow a poor to make those assumptions, you’re just asking for trouble. Believe me.
Fine, you want some evidence? Look at Scandinavia. The people over there get free everything. Health care, maternity leave, paternity leave, child care — and they’re consistently ranked the world’s happiest people. Do you want America to look like that?
I didn’t think so.
Where was I?
Oh, yeah. If a poor has the right to health care, it will live a longer life.
If a poor lives a longer life, then that poor will put more of a financial strain on the wealthy, who will be forced to subsidize the poor’s lavish lifestyle of food stamps and public transportation.
If a poor is allowed to put a financial strain on the wealthy, the wealthy will have less money to spend on large boats.
If the wealthy have less money to spend on large boats, they will have to make do with medium-sized boats.
If the wealthy are forced to make do with medium-sized boats, yacht parties will be smaller.
If yacht parties are smaller, there will be fewer opportunities for poors to silently serve hors d’oeuvres to their social betters.
If there are fewer opportunities for poors to silently serve hors d’oeuvres to their social betters, then poors will make less money.
If a poor makes less money, it will have trouble becoming less poor.
If a poor has trouble becoming less poor, it will be forced to take on more and more low-paying jobs.
If a poor is forced to take on more and more low-paying jobs, it won’t get enough sleep. (This might not sound that bad, but hear me out.)
If a poor doesn’t get enough sleep, its health will deteriorate.
And if a poor’s health deteriorates, guess what? It will need to see a doctor.