Let me start off by saying that I’m sorry I exist, too. You need the job to get the experience and the experience — me — to get the job. It’s like which came first, the chicken or the egg? Haha. Neither, because you’re unemployed.

And I know, I know. It sucks that the five unpaid internships you did in college for the experience aren’t the experience this entry-level job is looking for. You need real-world work experience for this bad boy. Real-world, of course, being the same one you’ve been living in your whole life but now with a degree.

The degree, maybe, should be enough to land you this entry-level job but then what would that make me? Useless? Haha, yeah.

But don’t get so down on yourself. You’ll find me! Think of this as an elaborate game of hide and seek, except it’s also a 24/7 nightmare and the stakes are health insurance.

You could spend a few hours searching for me, the elusive entry-to-the-entry-level job, on whatever job site your favorite podcast is currently advertising to you. Then again, you might fare just as well by foraging in a nearby forest. Turn over a couple rocks! Pick some wild berries! Who knows where you might find me — certainly not you!

I probably look something like a desk job where you’ll be putting your degree skills to use by “ensuring that the office supply room is fully stocked and organized at all times.” Coincidentally, that’s quite possibly one of the things you’ll be doing at this entry-level job. It’s just really important that you have a year’s worth of experience “in the industry” ordering enough of the right kind of La Croix every Tuesday.

And sure, maybe when someone does have two to three years of real-world work experience, they won’t want this entry-level job because they’ll no longer be entry-level. But just think of that as another fun challenge to look forward to!

Speaking of things to look forward to, your mom is calling and she just wants to check in to make sure you’re going to be getting a job in your field so you can use your degree.

Anyway, keep your head up. While you’re looking for me, maybe you could also learn the entire Adobe Creative Suite? Because, for some unspecified reason, Photoshop experience is always a plus.